there and back again: Through All Eternity: March 10, 2014

This week was a wonderful surprise of purpose and insight. I loved almost every minute of it. Almost. I guess to start, I just want the people that I love to know that I love them too. Alright… I got it off my chest. Now onto the things that you can see, touch, hear, smell and hopefully taste.

I don’t go in order, for in my head, there is no such thing. We’ll begin where my mind takes us:

Once upon a time we were out knocking doors in the cold, beautiful rain. We walked passed a certain house with several cars in the front that had bumper stickers saying things like, “atheists are above belief” or “I’m Atheist and I’m OK” and “I don’t need religion, just truth,” etc..

I kind of got this warm fuzzy feeling inside as I read those extremely unbiased, and obviously understanding claims and started walking towards the door acting all giddy and what not. The man of the house opened the door suddenly and immediately stepped outside as if he had been expecting us for a while. To start the conversation with a little light humor and showing my skillful observation skills I said something like, “I’m going to guess that you don’t believe in God?”

“Yes, I’m atheist.”

“No kidding, did you grow up atheist?”

“No I grew up kind of Baptist.”

“That seems to happen sometimes. What has being an atheist done for you?”

“What does being Mormon do for you?”

That made me think quite a bit. I had an amazing feeling of gratitude and appreciation for all the things this church has done for me. Not just the church as an organization, necessarily, but the church as a foundational truth that gives peace and understanding to my often confused mind. I explained some of those things but, in the end, as we all could have guess, he left not feeling too persuaded to talk to God or to find objective truth. I don’t like when my initial negative judgments are right. They often affect the outcome, but you already knew that.

One night, after a wonderful miracle (which I’ll tell you about later… if you behave), we were traveling back to our car and saw a man walking towards us from the distance. I loudly said, “Hello!” And immediately the guy threw up his arms and ducked as if I had a gun pointed at him. When he saw us a little more clearly through the dark night and constant rain drops he said, “Hey it’s the Mormons! Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus.” We then got to hear a beautiful (and slightly hammered) man’s story about being baptized 3 times in our church but never confirmed. We walked with him and asked him to tell us his story, to which he responded, “My story! You guys want to heart MY story!? Wow. My story. Ok. Ok. My story… Well it all started when I was 11…” Five minutes later he lost his train of though and went into the liquor store to buy some beer for his six mile journey home. I will miss that man I’ve come to love in five minutes. I hope he’s still alive/that we’ll get to see him again. I do believe in miracles.

Rewind a couple of hours from that experience and you’ll find us sitting in our car praying to find a family that is looking for a change or guidance in their lives. We got out of the car, filled with food and faith, and started to knock the doors around us. The first guy comes to the door with no shirt on and says to go away. Second guy comes to the door without a shirt on and says go away…. hmm…. Third guy opens the door, with a shirt on, and lets us in his home. Kids were running around and a woman in the kitchen had a puzzled face after seeing us in her home. We sat down and talked with them about the things that matter most. They were quite interested. The dad said he’s looking for change and improvement. He wants to get into a church with his family and has known some Mormons in the past and was always curious about what they believed. So, what’s the moral of the story? Well, a couple of things, but one thing for sure: God tends to answers our prayers. It’s a good habit He’s gotten into since the time of Adam. Anyways, we’ve already met with them again and taught the book of Mormon, reviewed the restoration that we taught the first time and talked about baptism. They’re way into that kind of thing so… good news for them, and God.

Record: Paradigm shift #723:

I’ve had so many changes of perspective and insight on my mission. It just goes to show how much I don’t know and how much I need to learn. I love it. Anyways, Friday, we had mission leader council as usual and afterwards we had a special guest from Franklin Covey who just so happens to be Sister Bonham’s brother. The whole time he was instructing us I was just thinking about Dad. I wanted to be with him and pick his brain more than I ever. And, besides that, I was able to learn a lot of things that I can do to help me personally. He helped us see what our motives and goals are. I learned and felt inspired to write in all different ways to different questions, “serve and help my companions, other missionaries, my family, my friends, investigators, and members… everyone.” That’s what hit me the hardest. He asked us questions like, “What do you want look back on your mission and know that you did well?” “What would you want your companions to say about you, or investigators, or God.” He had us write down our responses. I want to help them feel understand and loved and that they have learned something or reached more of their potential than they did before they were with me. I always felt that before too but this time I had put it down on paper and it made a difference. It’s so simple and it’s said all the time. I even say it all the time: It’s all about the “other” but man.. This time it just clicked.

On the way home my companion and I had a good deep, personal conversation about our fears and how we can become better. I had thoughts come to mind of other people I talked to who expressed something of a concern that I didn’t catch onto. A lot of people that I then realized needed to talk and express things to me. I overlooked those opportunities. I feel like my mind has become a lot more open to it now, just a change of the lenses. There are so many people that need to feel understand. People who are hurting that I brush by or judge and just don’t take the time to ask them anything meaningful. I feel like I’ve missed out on so many opportunities to help people because of my selfishness and preoccupation with “good” things. I am never happy when I seek to uplift myself or try making myself look good. I’ve tried, unfortunately. I think that’s human nature. I think I fall victim to human nature a little too often. I truly have a desire to “put off the natural man and become a saint through the atonement.” Sounds familiar I’m sure. Kind Benjamin knew what he was talking about. I don’t have much to offer but I’m willing to give what I have. I want to stop being “me” and become who He wants me to be through him. That’s where power comes. That’s where change comes. That’s where happiness comes. I know that because I’ve felt it, and seen it. I’m grateful for the good feelings I feel as I am obedient and serve selflessly. I hope I always keep these treasures of truth throughout my life. Or I can just have my mission last throughout my life. Either one is fine with me. I love this gospel that gives me the ability to change. I love the blessings of repentance and forgiveness that I’ve seen in my investigators lives and my own. I know that power is real. I know that the scriptures give us power and guidance. I know that humility is power.

I may or may not have, but definitely did, experience the best day of my mission on Saturday. I witnessed Susana getting baptized. One of the best parts is that James Dixon (one of our recent converts…. If you don’t remember) was the one who baptized her. It was the most amazing experience to see. Wow. I have never been to a more spiritual baptism. I mean, all of them are amazing, but this was so strong. I think it’s because Katy, Susana, and James were all there and are all best friends. Those last couple people who I have somewhat helped come into the gospel are all so strong in the church and are amazing support to each other. It just made everything on my mission worth it. That, alone, could have made my mission. I would give two more years to see something as short and beautiful as that again. But then I get to look at all the other beautiful things I've come to learn, see and experience because of my mission. The list is endless. I don’t know how my life would be right now if I would not have come out here. That’s the cliché of all missionaries. I didn't like hearing that before. I still often wonder it though. I don’t know if I would have totally gone off the deep end or something… maybe ha.

I know that I would not have known what I know now. I would not have known that God keeps his promises to us that we find in the scriptures or from His prophets and servants. I wouldn’t have come to know how important the priesthood is and what role it plays in my life and in the church. I wouldn’t have known how beautiful the book of Mormon is and the power that it has. I wouldn’t have known how to fail and how to learn from it. I wouldn’t have known how to miss my loved ones so badly that I can’t think straight. I wouldn’t have known that I could love this much. I wouldn’t have known how to change through Christ. I wouldn’t have known how to rely on my Savior. I wouldn’t have known why obedience and hard work are so important. I wouldn’t have known about other faiths and perspectives. I wouldn’t have known how to get outside of my comfort zone consistently and gratefully. I wouldn’t have known how to wake up at 6am for two years straight. I wouldn’t have known how to be a leader and I wouldn’t have known how to be a true follower. I love my mission with all of my heart. Now that the ticking clock is slowly coming to an end I’m appreciating and loving it more and more. I feel the need to pack in “Every good thing” that I can into this “mission experience” before I go home. I’m sure most RM’s have had this kind of mindset. I want to be perfect. I want to go home perfect. I want to go home being a man. I want to go home being a man of God. I want to look different. I want to act different. I want to be different. I know these goals and lofty and unrealistic hope some of the change will actually last. I’m not here for some temporary lessons and skills that I can use for a little while after this thing is over. I’m learning for the rest of my life. This is a big deal, guys. And I’m ranting on it for way too long. And I don’t care. It’s one of those days. I just want to say everything even if it means nothing.

When James was in the font with Susana they just looked so happy. I was so happy. I had the chills and couldn't stop smiling. I was just filled with love and joy. I can’t wait for my friends here in Granite to get baptized in the next couple of weeks, there’s an amazing spirit that comes and testifies to the heart as a priesthood ordinance is being performed and as a covenant with God is being made. I know that that is “the way:” baptism. I know that God wants us to baptize. I know that He wants us to find and reach out to those who we know and to offer them this gate that allows the atonement into their lives.

Doctrine and Covenants 84:19–21:

19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God.

20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness (the atonement) is manifest.

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness (the atonement) is not manifest unto men in the flesh;

I know that is true. I’ve seen the atonement change lives and the ordinances of the gospel is the only way to fully access it. I think back on some of the people I have taught towards the beginning of my mission and didn’t boldly or quickly invite them to enter into this gate. Maybe I was too scared, or didn’t know what to say, or didn’t know what they would say. I know that all I was really doing was damning them. I was prohibiting their progression and the only way they can have the atonement in their lives fully. I stopped them because I got in the way of the spirit. My role as a missionary is to merely get out of the way of the spirit. He is the teacher, I am the tool that delivers the message that the true teacher can testify of. I have gotten in the way far too often. The spirit will always invite people to Christ. He will always invite them to be baptized. I am just on one today. I hope you enjoy the little things this week, my dear friends.

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