I am at peace. I feel like I can stand, while the world is falling apart around me, and be still. Chaos and confusion seem to be just distant memories now. I've felt this way for about three days. I'm not entirely sure why I feel this way... but I'm not complaining. Inhale deep. I don't want this to go away.
Sunday morning could be summed up in within the word of liberation. I sat down early by my CD player and listened to "come thou fount." For whatever reason it just hit me. It hit me right where I needed it to and I sat and cried. Just cried.. like a little girl ha. It was so nice. I haven't cried in a really long time. I've adjusted. I've gotten use to all of the heights of the spirit and the lows of rejection and forgot that I can feel so fully again. I realize the minuscule meaning of this experience to the reader of this letter. The outside looking in it seems pretty... lame. I guess to me it's just evidence of the ups and downs that I've experienced and how finally I am to where I want to be again. Human. Struggling, striving, learning and feeling. I'm breaking the chains of complacency and habit.
So outside of my philosophically spiritual realigning of the soul... everything is falling apart...one of our investigators turns out to have some mental problems and doesn't ever want to see us again. Another one doesn't have any time to meet with us and we can't get a hold of two other or any of our investigators. Just another dip in the road, outside of my circle of control, but it's still somewhat devastating.
That's what's happening now but I want to take a look into the future with you for a bit. There's some momentum happening here in the Snohomish area despite the obvious set backs. We are getting very close with our Bishop. Bishop Nielson. He's the most supportive and missionary minded Bishop I've seen out on the mission. We meet with him all the time and are working out ways that we can pick up the work once again. For the combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting, Bishop had us teach about member missionary work. I was so nervous ha. My heart was bouncing out of my chest before we started but as soon as I said the first words I felt like I was in the game. Game time. Put me in coach! Everyone was participating and laughing and the points that we wanted to hit were spot on. Ooh it felt so good. After the meeting we had everyone coming up to us asking about specific friends and situations where we can start to teach or drop by and help with their family missionary work. It was beautiful. I just wish there was some way I could give the spirit a gift because he is always carrying me when I need him the most.
I feel like I can't end this until I say something about my Savior. I love Him. I've never felt His arms so closely wrapped around mine until now. I am saved everyday from myself because of Him. I can surrender my most horrible thoughts and feelings to Him and He is standing there with His arms wide open just waiting for me to use his gift of the Atonement. It's there. It's always been there. He fills me with love for this work. He fills me with love for my companion and myself. Every good feeling and every impulsive to help my brother is from Him. I can do nothing without Him. I've tried. And it will always remain the same... I am nothing with out my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love how King Benjamin describes our relationship with Him and our Father in Heaven:
"He hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast? And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you."
I can't even find the words to tell you how true this is. I know that my Savior lives and is with me. He has conquered death for us. "Oh death where is thy sting, or grave where is thy victory!" I am so grateful to be worthy and able to represent my Master. I owe it all to Him... and will always, always... be in His debt.
Happy Easter,
Elder Trent Jay Merrill
Dad:
I used your Newton's 3rd law of motion demonstration when I was doing training for the missionaries in the zone. We taught from 8:00AM to 3:30PM. Quite the day. It felt great. Oh and I got your guys's Easter package. Thank you so much. I was so happy (:
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