April Showers

Good morning everyone. I had some weird dreams last night. I can't remember them though.... hate when that happens. I did have a pretty cool week that I can slightly remember. It went by a little too fast for my taste but hey... I'm getting used to it. Here are some highlights from the week:

1. I... can't think of any highlights.

That's one big tree stump.

2. Ok I just thought of something. So we had a lesson with a former investigator this past week for the first time in quite a while. We couldn't find a male to come with us so we sat in a lady's (who is a friend/fellowshiper/semi active member and my favorite hippie/person in the world... got it.) hallway for the little discussion. After we chatted for a bit we said a prayer and boom... it was on. And we were killing it. Not really but it wasn't as horrible as we thought it would be. She usually doesn't respond to questions and won't say anything but "yeah" to our invitations... we're not sure if she follows through though. Anyways she was participating this time around and it was all going well. Then the member's neighbor decided to come out of her room so Elder Gasser and I stood up and started talking with her for a little bit. Always the gentlemen. Her name is Patti. (Not Aunt Patti unfortunately... good one Trent.) We thought it was going well until she just starts to flip out on our investigator and Member! Calling them all these names and telling crazy stories about them. Our investigator started crying and was about to leave and the member was trying to talk her down. We slowly caught on that it wasn't such a pleasant situation as we thought it was so we took a step in front of our investigator and the member and I just tried to distract Patti while escorting her down the stairs. It was nuts. It got out of hand really fast ha. The rest of the lesson we were just consoling our investigator and gave her a blessing. She came to cottage meeting with us last night at President Wilson's home so I think she's doing better. One can hope at least.

3. I am pretty happy about life these days. For several reasons...but a lot has to do with the ward and the work. They are catching the missionary fire! It's amazing. Yesterday was fast and testimony meeting, A Brother in the ward stood up and told his experience with inviting his friends over and calling us to have dessert with them this past week. He shared how amazing it was and encouraged everyone to do the same. He brought up points from Elder Gasser's and my training to the ward a couple weeks ago. The members do the social conversion. They invite friends over for dinner, BBQ's, movies, whatever.. and then invite us over too and we'll do the scary spiritual side. We'll invite their friends to learn more and to read from the Book of Mormon. If your friends don't like it then you can make fun of us when we walk away. We don't care, we're getting transferred! Just get us in your home with your friends and good things will happen. And good things have happened! The member guy's friends are taking the discussions in Everett now. Another family is asking us for Book of Mormon's to give to their friends and are going to invite us over soon. Man, i'm so stoked! I bore my testimony yesterday because my heart just wouldn't let me sit still. Bishop got mad at me afterwards though because he said it sounded like I was being transferred. I must have been a little sappy. Two tears tops.

Man do I have any other shirts?

4. Well a lot of other things happened too let's see if I can some them up in a couple sentences instead of rambling like I usually do. I went to the Navy Base in Everett and toured a battle ship. I felt like I was in a movie with Sean Connery.

5. We had a meeting with the zone this week and taught for three hours (woof) and then went to a help a member move in Monroe.

6. Met another guy who we are starting to teach. Keep up you updated on that in the future.

7. Had dinner with an 80 year old man who hasn't been to church since he was 12 and his catholic wife. We've visited with them a couple times. We're good friends. She'll be baptized soon.

8. Had a nice discussion with some Jehovah's Witnesses for an hour on the side of the street.

9. Went to our investigators (Husband and wife) and they started pulling out their ghost hunting equipment and talked with the spirits in their house while we were there. Kind of creepy. Scared Elder Gasser pretty bad ha. I'm only a little sleep deprived over it.

No I'm not trying to hold hands with Elder Fortuna

10. I want to tell you about a sister in our ward real quick. So she is not active and crazy. I've met with her since I've been in the area and nothing usually gets through to her. This week we talked about forgiveness for some reason. It just came up. She brought up someone who she "erased" from her life and that's how she "forgives". We asked her how she would feel if Christ erased her if she did something that hurt Him and talked about it for a while. This lady despises and won't talk to her sister. She hasn't talked to her in 20 years or more. Two days after we had that lesson, her sister called her. They didn't get to talk yet but the sister told us about it a couple days ago and is freaking out. We told her how Heavenly Father is giving her the chance to forgive and move on... I really think that's true. It's beautiful to have the view of God's hand in people's lives. I rambled again.


Love you all,


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Take My Heart

So... I have a lot on my mind but I'll just try to structure some chronological order here for clarity's sake. We had a meeting with President Wilson and all the zone leaders in the mission this week. I felt like I was being called to repentance for about seven hours ha. I needed it. A lot of changes are going to happen in the mission. Pretty cool time. I think I can do more. I know I can do more. I'm giving a lot but am I giving everything? I don't know. I want to be able to surrender myself in every way. I want to give my heart and my thoughts over to this work. I want to give it all. Nothing is mine. General Conference was beautiful. It helped me look inside and helped me know how to help the people we're working with. I walked into the Stake Center for the first session on Saturday and it just felt so... perfect. I was so happy to have the chance to learn and change.

I made Elder Gasser stand in some pictures before we came to the Library because I keep forgetting to send you some ha

Most of the people we are working with are at some kind of road block. Elder Gasser and I sit down and plan out our lessons for them and come up with nothing. It's happened a lot. Usually that doesn't happen with me. It's been pretty easy to know what people need to hear. Lately it's been pretty rough. So I came to conference with those concerns knowing that I could receive some help. It's hard to say which talks helped the most because it seemed like all of them contributed to the solution in it's own way. I especially loved Elder Hollands though (of course). It hit me pretty hard. I've been there. I know what it's like to not have faith and to express doubt to fill the demands of my pseudo candor. That's how it is with some of the families we're teaching. This just hit the nail right on the head. I hope they all watched it too. Our new ward mission leader is something of a tender mercy. We met with him after conference and talked about how we can do everything we can do bring these people to this gospel. Good things are about to happen. I don't want to leave this area.. I never want to leave.

It's hard to know when to look when using a self-timer.

Thug Life

We went around all last week inviting everyone to watch conference. I would say it's a pretty unique message to share... we have a prophet on the earth who is speaking to the world. God still loves us and wants to direct and uplift us through modern revelation. President Wilson talked to us about inviting others to "Come unto Christ." Not just helping people strengthen their faith in Christ. Most other churches can do that. There is one way that we can truly come unto Him, and it's through His restored gospel. If the people we talked with could just listen to the Prophet they could feel the validity and divinity of this church. I wish they could see my heart and know that I speak without any ulterior motives. Or at least that's my hope... if you could see my heart and the desires that fill it... what would you see? That's my question I haven't fully answered.. and probably never will be able to fully answer it, but I'm going to keep on looking anyways.

Ummm...

Nothing can stop this work from progressing. It brings tears to my eyes when I think how blessed I am to be a part of it. I get a portion of His vineyard to work. I won't stop. I can't stop. My Savior has never turned His back on me and I will never turn my back on Him. I love Him.


I love you too (:


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Here... I am

I am at peace. I feel like I can stand, while the world is falling apart around me, and be still. Chaos and confusion seem to be just distant memories now. I've felt this way for about three days. I'm not entirely sure why I feel this way... but I'm not complaining. Inhale deep. I don't want this to go away.

Sunday morning could be summed up in within the word of liberation. I sat down early by my CD player and listened to "come thou fount." For whatever reason it just hit me. It hit me right where I needed it to and I sat and cried. Just cried.. like a little girl ha. It was so nice. I haven't cried in a really long time. I've adjusted. I've gotten use to all of the heights of the spirit and the lows of rejection and forgot that I can feel so fully again. I realize the minuscule meaning of this experience to the reader of this letter. The outside looking in it seems pretty... lame. I guess to me it's just evidence of the ups and downs that I've experienced and how finally I am to where I want to be again. Human. Struggling, striving, learning and feeling. I'm breaking the chains of complacency and habit.

So outside of my philosophically spiritual realigning of the soul... everything is falling apart...one of our investigators turns out to have some mental problems and doesn't ever want to see us again. Another one doesn't have any time to meet with us and we can't get a hold of two other or any of our investigators. Just another dip in the road, outside of my circle of control, but it's still somewhat devastating.

That's what's happening now but I want to take a look into the future with you for a bit. There's some momentum happening here in the Snohomish area despite the obvious set backs. We are getting very close with our Bishop. Bishop Nielson. He's the most supportive and missionary minded Bishop I've seen out on the mission. We meet with him all the time and are working out ways that we can pick up the work once again. For the combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting, Bishop had us teach about member missionary work. I was so nervous ha. My heart was bouncing out of my chest before we started but as soon as I said the first words I felt like I was in the game. Game time. Put me in coach! Everyone was participating and laughing and the points that we wanted to hit were spot on. Ooh it felt so good. After the meeting we had everyone coming up to us asking about specific friends and situations where we can start to teach or drop by and help with their family missionary work. It was beautiful. I just wish there was some way I could give the spirit a gift because he is always carrying me when I need him the most.

I feel like I can't end this until I say something about my Savior. I love Him. I've never felt His arms so closely wrapped around mine until now. I am saved everyday from myself because of Him. I can surrender my most horrible thoughts and feelings to Him and He is standing there with His arms wide open just waiting for me to use his gift of the Atonement. It's there. It's always been there. He fills me with love for this work. He fills me with love for my companion and myself. Every good feeling and every impulsive to help my brother is from Him. I can do nothing without Him. I've tried. And it will always remain the same... I am nothing with out my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love how King Benjamin describes our relationship with Him and our Father in Heaven:

"He hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast? And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you."

I can't even find the words to tell you how true this is. I know that my Savior lives and is with me. He has conquered death for us. "Oh death where is thy sting, or grave where is thy victory!" I am so grateful to be worthy and able to represent my Master. I owe it all to Him... and will always, always... be in His debt.

Happy Easter,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill



Dad:
I used your Newton's 3rd law of motion demonstration when I was doing training for the missionaries in the zone. We taught from 8:00AM to 3:30PM. Quite the day. It felt great. Oh and I got your guys's Easter package. Thank you so much. I was so happy (:

Expanding Contractions

I think my heart is expanding... again. I remember when I first came out here I thought it was too full and that I wasn't supposed to be able to feel that much at once. I loved the pain, the heartbreak and the happiness that came with that vulnerability. Once I got used to the routine and the rejection it started to mend and become used to the new world that's called a mission. I started to feel less and do more. I got better at teaching and finding but started losing some sincerity. Repetition creates remembrance and stability but it can kill progression and curiosity if you're not careful. I wasn't being careful. It sometimes bothers me that I'm fitting perfectly into the stereotypical "good missionary." Not that it's a bad thing. I want to be the best missionary... I just want to be able to be human. It's not missionary talking to non-missionary on the street.... interested in our message=success. not interested=walk away. No. It's human being talking to another human being. Brother to brother. Brother to sister. I want to take that step back again and look at it for what it is. I'm here to represent the epitome of all love, my savior... and I need to get back to the roots that I started from. I've been praying hard for the perspective to realign. It's a process but it's worth the struggle. I hope to come back to the heart and walk away from traditional "good missionary" norms. There's my rant for the week... Hope you had a nice nap.


Yes I did love Saturday night. We found a referral for the Spanish Elders in our zone so we had a little mini exchange with them that night. We took them out to a Chinese restaurant before the lesson and just laughed for about an hour. Good stuff. I went with Elder Perkinson into the secret Hispanic community. Not really hidden. Just... I don't know. Anyways so the last house we went to a guy opened the door and waved us in but wouldn't talk or look at us ha. So after about twenty minutes of sitting there a lady came out of the bathroom and started speaking Spanish with Elder Perkinson. I just smiled and they laughed and looked at me a couple times because they were probably making fun of me. I liked it. Elder Perkinson asked something and then went to the bathroom and gave me a thumbs up and laughed as he walked away. So I just sat there with this nice little Hispanic lady and she was trying to talk to me and I just said, "si" a thousand times because I didn't know what she was saying. Once Elder Perkinson walked back out I had two bananas in my hand and some Mexican candy on my lap. I don't even know how it happened... I should probably learn some Spanish.


Well those people we contacted on first street last week were... miracles. A guy we met hesitantly gave us his address and said that we could drop by as he walked away with a pizza... we weren't too confident in his interest but we stopped by this week and he was so happy to see us. We taught him a little bit but we had to get to another lesson and he was like, "Well can you come back tonight!?" We couldn't... but we went by the next day and taught him the restoration and the spirit was there and the words were flowing and the angels were singing... probably.. they were probably singing. Anyways, I'm pretty excited about that. We're still teaching two great ladies and the fifteen investigators we were working with are having weird things happen to them so we'll see how that all works out. We're teaching A LOT of less active families and some are coming back to church. I am so happy for them. You can see the peace they're finding again.


Well that's all for now folks,


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Prayers on First Street

Ah I'm back. Back to the pressure, back to the grind. This is my new companion's first time as a zone leader... and I've only been here for five weeks so I'm just trying to show him the ropes of the new assignment that I haven't figured out yet. His name is Elder Gasser, from Spanish Fork (Spanish Fark). He's a pretty cool guy. We work hard. I've always heard that, "ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6... maybe) I think I've been seeing that play out in front of me. I'm stressed. I felt pretty overwhelmed... The zone isn't doing too well and our own area wasn't keeping up either. I've been focusing a lot on desire and prayer this past week. I wanted to know what I can do differently to help things again. I don't exactly know what it is that changed but things are definitely moving. We've been talking with everyone around us and we've had a lot of people say they would like us to teach them. Good week ahead of us.


We went to visit a lady in our ward this past week. She wasn't feeling well so we offered a blessing. She invited us in but there wasn't any other "responsible adult of the same sex present" ha so we asked if we could come by tomorrow (obedience... nice) She was fine with it and we came back the next day with Brother Countryman. Except this time something was different. She brought a friend to be with her during the blessing. So we started talking to her friend and told her a little bit about what we did as missionaries and bore our testimonies about this gospel. She was pretty stoked and we already have taught her again this week. (Obedience blessings whooh!)


We were street contacting one night in the down town street of Snohomish. We had a lot of good talks with people there. On our way back to our car to head in for the night I saw this lady looking for something on the ground. She seemed confused so I asked her if everything was alright.. she stood up really fast and then smiled. We talked for a little bit and she started to tell us about how her Mom is about to pass away and she has hit rock bottom. I was fighting back tears. We just listened and told her about the comfort that we have seen from knowing about the plan God has for us and our families. She was touched and in the middle of the busy street she held our hands and said a vocal prayer together. Sounds weird, looked weird, felt.... peaceful.... and weird. But mostly peaceful.




Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Lady Bug

Yep, I was just mountain biking. That's why I'm late. Good guess. Elder Brockbank wanted to end his stay here in Snohomish with a bang... Dang. Actually every single companionship in the zone has someone transferring out. Just a bunch of new faces coming this way tomorrow. I'm.... torn. I don't know who my new companion is yet but I'll just decide to love him now. That should make everything a lot easier.

Hey so I was having a pretty hard week. I'm happy... It's just been a struggle. This area has always been really successful. Lots of baptisms, lots of investigators. For some reason all of our investigators are falling off the map. One got a job where they work from 10:00AM to 9:00PM (our exact proselyting hours.. hmmm) Another moved to Florida. One has parent's who won't let her get baptized... I don't know. There's just weird things happening and It's easy to get down about it. I tend to do this thing where I blame myself for what happens around me. I don't think that's always the best thing to do but sometimes it's true. I definitely need to change something. I just don't know what. Here I am again... something's got to give. I think it was on Thursday I was feeling a lot of the stress and before we went out for the day I knelt down and said another prayer. In the middle of the prayer, an investigator, who we haven't got a hold of in a long time, texted us and invited us over for dinner. Pretty cool. I love stuff like that.

Earlier last week I went on an exchange with the Elders in the Sultan ward. I was with Elder Simon while we went to visit one of their potential investigators. It was an old man named Bill. We were talking with him for a bit and he was really nice. We were talking about the Book of Mormon and all the golden conversations. He seemed interested but decided to say, "l'll never be mormon" ha. They were about to go on a trip and his wife said something about Bill hopefully feeling better before they left. I just thought, "Yeah I hope so too. Poor guy." So we left and then as we were walking I stopped and thought for a bit and then turned around to go back to Bill's and then turned around again and walked towards the car and then finally I just stopped. Apparently I was having a prompting of some sort but I just felt weird about bothering them again. After a while of looking like an idiot in front of Elder Simon and getting all sweaty we just went up to the door and I asked Bill if he would like a blessing, and explained what it was. He was pretty happy to let us do it and so we did. Afterwards they asked if we could come back and invited us over for lunch the next week. I love the spirit.

Hey I have a really lame story but It's on my mind for some reason. So first, a little background: I remember sitting in psychology class at the good ole' BYU Idaho one day and feeling pretty down. I looked at my notes and noticed there was a little lady bug! I looked at it for the next hour and felt better. Ok, now that you know about that significant event in my life maybe you'll appreciate this next one. I was over at our Bishop's house and I was feeling pretty down again. Wasn't showing it or anything, just feeling it. Then I saw it. Yep there was a lady bug on the table! Ha I'm not even particularly fond of lady bugs but ah man I felt so happy and this is the lamest story I've ever told you and I don't know why I'm still writing about it.


I love my family,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Never Made My Bed

Well... wow. A lot is about to change. I'm excited. So this week we had a meeting with all the zone leaders at President Wilson's house. We talked about the mission, about rules and what needs to be changed and how we can help the mission. Pretty cool. I was very humbled to be there... I definitely felt out of place ha. We know that four of the stakes here in the mission will be going to the Seattle Mission in July so if I'm serving in either the Bothel, Redmond, Kirkland or Shorline Stake at that time I'll be changing missions. Crazy. All of my friends in the Big Rock ward won't be in my mission anymore... woof.


The other day it was just beautiful weather in the morning and then out of no where it started to pour some rain upon our little faces. Soaking wet, trying to find people to talk to... loved it. Whenever we visit someone on the ward list we knock on their door and then two doors to the right and two to the left... It works sometimes. We did that again and on the second one to the right this guy gave us a weird look and then invited us in. He was like, "Why are you guys out there in the rain like this?" Then I said something stupid... So he took some serious pity on us and we were able to teach him the first lesson and now we have another lesson with him tonight. Can't give up... When the rain starts coming then we keep pushing. Literal, Figurative, it doesn't matter... We have a work to do. Nothing can stop it from progressing. I'll just quietly get off my soap box now.


So this week I was on an exchange with a Elder Young in his area. It was my favorite one so far. I've looked up to him since he picked me up from the airport my first day here in the mission. He goes home next week. We were doing some service for a guy in his ward in the morning and while we were dumping the leaves off in the bushes we came across a sketchy old rope swing ha. We just stared at it and then looked at each other and then we gave in... I'm weak. We were on a big hill, so went to the very top and then jumped as far as we could and almost died. Not really but man that was the funnest thing I've done in a long time ha. Then we got back to work. There's my bad example for the week.


Elder Trent Jay Merrill