Pumped up Kicks

I feel small in these shoes I've been asked to fill. I pray to God that I might not shrink... but rise to the occasion. I'm grateful today. Full of thanks. Full of love. I feel back to the beginning of my mission again. Emotions are everywhere. Mostly up. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing again. Everything is changed. I might be coming down with a mild case of nostalgia. The good and the bad. Right choices. Wrong choices... Life lessons learned. I’m going to turn back the clock for a bit. Hope you don’t mind the tangent. I blame it on having one of “those days.” 

 
Chapter 1: Penn Cove. August-December.
I feel like I truly learned what heartbreak and beauty meant in the first exposure to my mission. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Chapter 2: Big Rock. December-February.
I learned a little bit more about unconditional love, stress, patience and failure. I learned more about who I really am. How much I am dependent upon my Savior. How much I can't do alone. What drives me. What are my motives. Still haven’t fully grasped the concept.

Chatper 3: Snohomish. February-June.
Friendship, success, accountability and inadequacy. I will miss everything about it. I didn’t go a day without a smile.

Chapter 4: Silver Lake YSA. Dwight Schrute in…. The Office. June-only God knows.
I’ve heard it been said that being companions with your childhood friend is bitter-sweet. I’ve only seen the latter. I don’t’ know the best words that would describe my circumstance yet. Perfect.. Exhaustion.. Confusion. Overwhelming. I love every minute of this.

Back to the moment. I’m with Elder Draper and Elder Henson in the Mission Office. If you noticed, including me, that would make three of us. Here’s what’s going down. July 1st, the mission splits and Seattle and Everett both get new Mission President’s. Either me or Elder Henson will go to that new mission and be the assistant in that Mission so that we can have a representative from the WEM. It’s likely I’ll stay here with Elder Draper. That’s my prayer. Fingers are still crossed. I feel very humbled to be here. I don't measure up. Probably never will... I guess my goal is to just keep growing despite my hinderences by my inadequecy. It's not helpful to dwell on. But I do. And need to stop. I may not know much but I do know there is a God. I know He is love. I know He will not forsake me. He never has. I testify that He never will.

I’ll share a beautiful experience that I witnessed yesterday. There is an investigator named Brenton that came to church. He sat quietly throughout the whole Sacrament meeting and we asked him how he felt afterwards. He started to explain how he’s never felt this peace before. Right when he walked in, everything changed. He’s never felt the spirit. We invited him to be baptized on July 14th. We have 4 investigators with a baptismal date so far. Two of them happened just in the past couple of days.

I love the Book of Mormon,


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Lights on Broadway

I'll try to break it down in a few words because I don't have much time.

I love you.

I love God.

I love my mission.

That could, if you wanted to think hard enough, explain all the desires and actions of the past week.. but I'm sure you don't want to dig that far down into your consciousness to retrieve my underlying implications. I certainly wouldn't. So I'll go back up to the surface with you and tell you the thoughts on my mind... at this time.

1. I am.... getting transferred.

2. Do I know where I'm going? Almost positive... am I afraid? I am...

3. I haven't slept for while.

4. Cast out demons this week. I learned a lot about the reality of things. There is so much I don't know. So much at play I can't see. I want to see. I want to know.

5. We have 3 investigators with a baptismal date. Found 16 in total this transfer. All in the Lord's hand.

6. God does work miracles... in His own time. I think that's the part I'm always missing. He will fulfill His promise to me... but not always when I want it. I've always heard that. It's generally a principle we say and somewhat accept in the back of our minds but... I never, and still don't, fully grasp it. I'm starting to. I'm so happy. I know that God is good. He is real. He is aware. He is omni...everthing! I can only get a taste of His love and it leaves me wanting more.

7. I've heard it been said that time plays tricks on you. I often find myself in the land of the lotus eaters. Clock is always ticking. We're always getting closer to that God who gave us life... but we don't see it. We can't see it all. Or at least can't fathom it all.. but if we could.. it would change everything. Triviality and minutia would have no place. I want to see things for what they truly are. I'm so far and I know that I am so small. I am such a small piece to the grand puzzle of eternity in the smallest part of time. I want to make the best of it while I can.

I don't know if you could tell but I don't remember any specifics this week. That's why you get the vague cliche's for the week. My mind is gone. Not here in the moment. Pretty distracted. I'll get back though. Usually do.


From the little guy to the big guy,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Enlisted

Where to begin and where to end.

Starting with the last and ending with the first

Sunday. Jon Schmidt. Spirit. Music. Beauty. Couldn't ask for more.

Exchanges with my good friend, Elder Fortuna. He goes home next transfer and we have been planning to have an all out intense proselyting day together for the past six months. Saturday we finally got our chance. We did a 24 hour fast and canceled all appointments: lessons, dinner, lunch, breakfast, and proselyted for the entire day without breaks. No planned visits. No food. No car (bike area) and just pure, old fashion missionary work. We were so stoked for it ha. The night before we set some goals we wanted to accomplish together:

1. Get kicked out of somewhere or get in trouble somehow... (sketch? little bit)
2. Soap box like they did in the early days of the church. Stand on something and preach to people.
3. Proselyte at a bus station
4. Talk with absolutely everyone we saw. Be bold.
5. Anytime we were hesitant or nervous one of us would say, "comfort zone." and the other would say, "shattered." and that's exactly what we did.
6.. Perhaps pass out from exhaustion.
7. Anytime we were walking or not teaching we would role play together how to start different conversations with people and what not. Teach all day long baby.

First we went to Target and proselyted in the parking lot ha. We talked with everyone and man... it was one awkward couple of hours. We kept saying, "comfort zone! comfort zone!" but we shattered all the barriers and finally had the relief of someone kicking us out so we didn't have to do it anymore ha. Thank you, Ashley, dear store manager.

Towards the end of the evening we still hadn't had a chance to soap box. So we stood crouching on some benches on the street and were planning on jumping up if anyone walked by and preach to them... but no one did. Rough. So we went to the dock and no one was there too so we stood on the tables and role played what we would do later. We went back and a girl named Lisa and her son were hitting golf balls into the lake... so I hit a few off with them and then asked if we could preach to them on the rails. So we did.... and she said she wants to go to church and be taught. Like... yep. That happened.

Soap Boxin'

Hit up a bus station. Talked with everyone.

Almost passed out. Not quite. Pretty close though I never knew how powerful thirst could pain the body to that extent. We just kept riding up the long hills with our rain jackets on while there was no rain. Obedience kids. Obedience.

At the end of the day.... we were confused. Nothing really happened ha. We were trying to figure out what went wrong. We dedicated everything to that day. Sacrificed it all so that we could be led to the right people at the right time. But.... nothing happened... I mean... a couple potential investigators and what not but... not that much. We somewhat concluded that this is why we don't do missionary work like this anymore. We work through people and ask for referrals... change it up from just tracting and street contacting (which is all we did) so that you can stay enthusiastic about it throughout the day. We found out that bible bashing doesn't work too well. (Did that all day too... kind of one of our unspoken goals we set together... no good reason. Not proud of it.) If there was one thing I learned from it all it was that I'm very grateful to have teaching appointments throughout the day and have food to eat and water to drink. Everything else seems easy now.

Shelly

Yep. Found five new investigators from the last time I got to talk with you. Miracles keep coming. Can't stop the work of God from progressing. I'm just on the right train... finally.

Sister Holly Archer

Well I guess a lot of other things happened this week but I don't have much time. We have to run over to some Elders apartment who got in a little ole fight. I know how they feel. I'm grateful for change. I'm grateful for repentance and progression. I never feel stuck.. and if I do then I'm not using the gift that my Savior has provided for me. I can never be stagnant. Always correcting and adjusting. I need it.

From Adam down to the present time,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

With the Birds

I'm lost in it all. When I lie awake at night I'm not thinking about home or anything I miss... I can't shake the thoughts of the day. My investigators. The missionaries in my zone. This past week I've had the biggest... stirring. Everything is up. I've been skipping lunch, dinner, anything I can to go out and work. I have no idea where this energy and motivation is coming from. I've heard it been called, "the spirit of urgency..." call it what you want... I'm loving it. I don't even want it to be preparation day today... I just want to work. If I was around another missionary that was like this at the beginning of my mission I'd probably be annoyed. How pretentious. Well... maybe.. but it's not coming from me. It's a gift from God. I'm just going to hold on to it while it lasts. My studies feel like pure intelligence flowing into me. They're not always like this. I don't usually feel like this. I don't even know why it's happening. I'm finally not sick. At all. It's been probably three months of off and on sickness... never fully recovering. I feel back up with the birds. Ready to fly. Speaking boldly. Clearly. The spirit gives you words when you act. Not when you sit and hope they come. Act of faith. Never fails.


I had a cool time being with the Spanish Elder in his area a couple days ago. He's one of the district leaders and goes home pretty soon. We had one good time together. We decided to have a five minute lunch and then skip dinner and just work all day. I usually like to set goals with the missionaries I go on exchanges with to keep it fun and have something to accomplish. Our goal was to shatter any concept of a comfort zone. Anything that feels uncomfortable initially... we push through it and do what we need to do. It was sick. I learned how to look for the Hispanic culture in apartment complexes. I felt like Shawn Spencer... observing all over the place. I would try and speak Spanish but it didn't work ha. So I sat there praying for the gift of tongues and gift of interpretation of tongues and was just waiting for it to click and I'd go off in some Espanol! Ha but it never quite happened. Someday... someday.


Oh hey I don't know if I told you that Jon Schmidt is coming to our mission this Sunday for a special musical fireside. Stoked! You should look him up on youtube if you haven't heard of him. His son is in our mission. Stud missionary. Or look up the pianoguys. That's his group.


So... yep. Pretend like you have energy.... act like you have energy... you'll get it. Play it like you're tired... you'll feel tired. God has blessed us with beautiful, incomprehensible minds. The power is unfathomable... Keep it clean. Keep it focused... and he blesses it with inspiration, with direction, with peace. I can't think about all the blessings I receive everyday... I wouldn't have time to think of anything else. I'll never be able to repay Him.... but I will always serve Him. Always know Him. Always love Him.


Cheers,


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Clear Eyes. Full Heart. Can't Lose.

Well I guess, in short, I'm very grateful for you... family. I owe it all to you. I could talk to you for days. Thanks for uplifting me and helping me feel so loved. My heart is very full.


I'll explain a little more about the miracle that happened yesterday. So for the past couple weeks my prayers and fasts have been very specific for finding, teaching, and baptizing prepared people in this area. I promised Heavenly Father that I would do everything on my part and asked if He would lead me to the people who are really seeking for the truth... and I've definitely seen it happening with four of our investigators but... I knew there was more. And there still is... but here's the story:


We got a call late Saturday night from a member in Redmond who said that his brother's girlfriend was wanting to learn about the gospel and he was going over to their house Sunday at 4:00pm and asked if we could come. So we went over and started talking to her. Right off the bat she opened up to us about how she's wanting to have God in her life. She wants to be led by Him into the peace and happiness that she's doesn't feel. She wants relief and security. It was beautiful. We told her how God is literally her Father in Heaven. He cries when she's sad and celebrates when she's happy. He loves her so much. I could feel it. I could feel how much He loves her... and everyone. Just a small portion of it.. and it was overwhelming. We invited her to be baptized on June 1st and she accepted. (Probably have to move it back for some circumstantial reasons but... it'll all work out.)


I love being a small part of something incomprehensibly big. Everything I do affects someone or something. Everything we ALL do affects everything. Like throwing a rock into a pond.. the ripples go on past the initial impact point. Whether or not we want accept it... it's true. So what kind of a difference will I make... hopefully one for good... no matter how small my rock in the pond.


and in the end,


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Drive

I had another one of those moments. A pivotal moment. I can take my new perspective and run with it or fall back into complacency and habit. I pray that God will hold me here. Hold me here. My heart is where I want it to be.


Elder Marcos A. Aidukaitis of the Seventy came to Washington this Saturday. The whole mission was brought together into one chapel and shook his hand and gave our names.He's a tall, somewhat goofy, looking guy. His accent is hilarious and he laughed loudly about everything he said. He had so much love. You could feel it. He's a servant of our Lord. I just know. He took us through some promises we find in the scriptures about missionary work. in D&C 4:4, 12:3, 75:3-7, we pulled a couple of these out of it: We will not perish. Salvation. Crowned with honor. We can be guided to the people who are prepared and willing to accept the message. Our tongues will be loosed. We'll have lots of baptisms (field is white already to harvest). These are all things I've heard and typically understood for the most part. I've heard that I can be lead to those prepared people. My tongue will be loosed and I will speak eloquently and beautifully. Well how come I haven't found those people? Why do I still mess up and not get a good point across sometimes? So... how does this all work. I've thought about these things a lot before and I often hear something in the wind whispering something like, "what about reality?" Sure, I have all of these promises, in theory, I should be baptizing twice a week. What's really happening? Nothing even close to that. Elder Aidukaitis asked us all a piercing question... does God always fulfill his promises to us? A couple people hesitantly mumbled yes and he cut them off and said, "NO!"


D&C 82:10 "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise."



There are requirements that come with all of the blessings.We can't be idle, distracted... we have to have a good attitude and be patient in afflictions and work hard. There are so many things he asks us to do for us to receive the fullness of His blessings. We can sit back and say, God works miracles... sometimes. His hand is in my life every once in a while. Or we can put him to the test. We will see the hand of God if we make the sacrifices he asks. "Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven."


Fast forward to our way home from the conference. Oh and quick side note first.. I was in bed or in the bathroom for the past three days. Lost 15 pounds. So I didn't feel all that great... but I was so filled with faith from that loving chastisement that I didn't really care... so we skipped dinner and went to a street that we both thought about. Second door, a lady came out and started to talk with us. She told us that back in her hometown of Jamaica she would run away if she ever saw missionaries ha. She thought we didn't believe in the bible. A couple days ago she was having lunch with some friends and one of them told her that we do study from the bible. Angie has been praying for direction from God earlier in the day that we found her. It was her first day in that house and we knocked on her door. She said she knows that God is trying to tell her to listen to our message. She asked us so many amazing questions and we got to teach her about the Book of Mormon and how it came to be. She wants to come to church and start meeting with us.. It felt like I was in a story that all the missionaries have and that I haven't experienced. God does fulfill His promises. He is a God of miracles and love.. I can promise you that. My heart and mind feel in line and they're pointed to God. Keeping all the rules isn't enough. I've done that. Working hard isn't enough. I do that everyday. I need to be the instrument that God needs me to be. To be led and guided by Him and not by myself. That's where I want to be. I can either see God's hand and follow it or I can blindly follow myself.


Alright that's enough for today,
I love you


(The pictures are from us moving the bees)

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me

Another beautiful day here in the land of Snohomish. I guess I'll start off today by answering some of your questions, dear mother of mine. You asked how big is my zone: it has three districts and twenty missionaries now. You asked how my new third companion is? Elder Esplin. Well he only stayed for three hours with us and then got a call from President to go somewhere else. I'm pretty sad. We were way tight already. We still pretend like he's our companion. His chair is set up to our study table and we ask him questions and make fun of him just like he was right there. Tear drop. Sniffle. Also when anything goes wrong we blame it on Elder Esplin... it's a good time. "Ah our lesson canceled, dang you Elder Esplin!" You get the idea...

Tea time. Writing time.

We've been having a lot of problems in the zone. I'll give you one example. On Friday we got a call from one of our Elders who said we need to come over before he hurts his companion.. so we dropped what we were doing and only slightly sped to get there as fast as we could. We split them up and talked it out. That took most of the day. I think they'll be alright now. We set some goals with them on how they can communicate and get along. My prayers can only carry them so far... they need to put some effort into that relationship. I know how they feel.... Good times. I don't miss it but I did learn a lot.

That's a really small church. Off of a really big road.

I don't want to leave this area. The ward is too good. We're going to be doing more training with our WML on Sunday and to the Youth the next week on member missionary work. They're all for it. We're getting referrals like crazy... the only problem is they are all out of our zone but hey... it's a good start. Can't complain about that.

We're on an upward slope again. Good things are happening. People coming out of the shadows who want to meet with us. This new guy we met has the most anticipated potential. We talked with him yesterday for about an hour outside of his apartment. He told us that he never answers the door when we come around and that he felt really bad about it. He just couldn't do it. Today his kids were outside so we talked with them and asked if we could talk with his Dad. That's how we got him ha. Once we got talking he opened up like we've been friends for years. His family and marital problems. His past and hopes and goals for himself and his kids. We talked to him about the importance of families to our Heavenly Father. How this gospel changes people from the inside out and can bless him and his family. He was like, "We've got to start meeting... when can you come over?" So we have a pretty good week lined up ahead of us. I'm stoked.

I'm not afraid of snakes...

Success isn't coming how I imagined it. I'm not having baptisms right and left like I always thought I would... but I'm giving my heart. I don't know what more I can do but I'm always looking for more. Trying at least. Thanks Mom and Dad for your letters this week.. they were amazing. They always put a smile on my face.


Stay classy San Diego,
Elder Trent Jay Merrill