Whole Lot of Nothing and Something

Man it feels like nothing really happened this week.... I don't think anything did happen. The last two days I was inside the apartment all day. Elder Gasser was pretty sick. I have never been so bored in my entire life. Holy cow. It was horrible ha. I read through Our Search For Happiness and most of D&C and the student manual and watched all of the movies that we're allowed to watch. Rough. Real rough.

Earlier in the week we had a lot of good teaching opportunities. Nothing different than usual... same people.. same problems. We did find two new investigators though. That was cool. We knocked on the apartment two buildings away from ours and a guy opened the door and told us to come right in. We started talking and figured out that he's met with missionaries a lot before. He wondered why we stopped coming by so he was really excited that we found him again. His cousin lives their too and they want us to start teaching them every week and come to church. That's some good news right there.

Those are bee's in the picture if you can't tell. The assistant's came with us to help a guy in our ward unload 6,180,000 bee's one night. Yep six million. We took them out of the truck and vacuumed all of the loose bee's and then stacked the crates side by side in the garage. Pretty intense. It was my favorite night of the week. Didn't even get stung... look at me now.

So I had a thought this week and I'm going to try and write it out. Maybe it'll make sense. I noticed that my desire dies when it's not fed with action. On the first day that we stayed in from working, my desire and motivation to get out was high. I hated being inside and just wanted to work. Over time and towards the end of the day I just became lazy and stopped caring as much. It was weird. I could almost picture a fire that dwindles without the additional fuel. By the end of the second day (yesterday) I just wanted to stay inside. I did go a little crazy and want to leave the apartment but not to go work. I don't know... it's just a weird principle. I think it's true though. I wish it wasn't. I wish my desire was just constant despite my circumstances but... it's not. I need to feed it with good things. Productive things. My hands can't be idle. I put the concept of desire and action into the scripture from Alma while I was thinking about this:

But if ye neglect the tree (desire), and take no thought for its nourishment (action to increase the desire), behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

Maybe it's a stretch but it rang true to me. I always want to have that desire in me. It takes work to get it and to nourish it. I can't just be still and hope that it comes sweeping me off of my feet and into the pavements to knock some doors. I have to get up myself, go to work, and the desire will come. I need to act and to do. I'm not an observer of this beautiful work. I'm in the game. I'm a piece to the puzzle and I have to do what it takes to do my part. I had some other thoughts but they don't really make sense and there's too many moving variables to write it out. Maybe I'll sort it out and get back to you.

So from what I hear on the street I'll be staying in the area. My zone is about to become a lot bigger. We're getting another district. We're also getting a new companion, so I'll be in a three-pack now. I'm pretty excited. The only potential downside is that in the past, when a three-pack happens with the zone leaders, it means it's a troubled or disobedient missionary. So here comes another adventure. Bring it on.

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Dad Mom: I got your letters this week. Highlights of my week. Thank you so much (: Mom did you get my card yet!? Happy Birthday yesterday!!!!!!! I love you so much

April Showers

Good morning everyone. I had some weird dreams last night. I can't remember them though.... hate when that happens. I did have a pretty cool week that I can slightly remember. It went by a little too fast for my taste but hey... I'm getting used to it. Here are some highlights from the week:

1. I... can't think of any highlights.

That's one big tree stump.

2. Ok I just thought of something. So we had a lesson with a former investigator this past week for the first time in quite a while. We couldn't find a male to come with us so we sat in a lady's (who is a friend/fellowshiper/semi active member and my favorite hippie/person in the world... got it.) hallway for the little discussion. After we chatted for a bit we said a prayer and boom... it was on. And we were killing it. Not really but it wasn't as horrible as we thought it would be. She usually doesn't respond to questions and won't say anything but "yeah" to our invitations... we're not sure if she follows through though. Anyways she was participating this time around and it was all going well. Then the member's neighbor decided to come out of her room so Elder Gasser and I stood up and started talking with her for a little bit. Always the gentlemen. Her name is Patti. (Not Aunt Patti unfortunately... good one Trent.) We thought it was going well until she just starts to flip out on our investigator and Member! Calling them all these names and telling crazy stories about them. Our investigator started crying and was about to leave and the member was trying to talk her down. We slowly caught on that it wasn't such a pleasant situation as we thought it was so we took a step in front of our investigator and the member and I just tried to distract Patti while escorting her down the stairs. It was nuts. It got out of hand really fast ha. The rest of the lesson we were just consoling our investigator and gave her a blessing. She came to cottage meeting with us last night at President Wilson's home so I think she's doing better. One can hope at least.

3. I am pretty happy about life these days. For several reasons...but a lot has to do with the ward and the work. They are catching the missionary fire! It's amazing. Yesterday was fast and testimony meeting, A Brother in the ward stood up and told his experience with inviting his friends over and calling us to have dessert with them this past week. He shared how amazing it was and encouraged everyone to do the same. He brought up points from Elder Gasser's and my training to the ward a couple weeks ago. The members do the social conversion. They invite friends over for dinner, BBQ's, movies, whatever.. and then invite us over too and we'll do the scary spiritual side. We'll invite their friends to learn more and to read from the Book of Mormon. If your friends don't like it then you can make fun of us when we walk away. We don't care, we're getting transferred! Just get us in your home with your friends and good things will happen. And good things have happened! The member guy's friends are taking the discussions in Everett now. Another family is asking us for Book of Mormon's to give to their friends and are going to invite us over soon. Man, i'm so stoked! I bore my testimony yesterday because my heart just wouldn't let me sit still. Bishop got mad at me afterwards though because he said it sounded like I was being transferred. I must have been a little sappy. Two tears tops.

Man do I have any other shirts?

4. Well a lot of other things happened too let's see if I can some them up in a couple sentences instead of rambling like I usually do. I went to the Navy Base in Everett and toured a battle ship. I felt like I was in a movie with Sean Connery.

5. We had a meeting with the zone this week and taught for three hours (woof) and then went to a help a member move in Monroe.

6. Met another guy who we are starting to teach. Keep up you updated on that in the future.

7. Had dinner with an 80 year old man who hasn't been to church since he was 12 and his catholic wife. We've visited with them a couple times. We're good friends. She'll be baptized soon.

8. Had a nice discussion with some Jehovah's Witnesses for an hour on the side of the street.

9. Went to our investigators (Husband and wife) and they started pulling out their ghost hunting equipment and talked with the spirits in their house while we were there. Kind of creepy. Scared Elder Gasser pretty bad ha. I'm only a little sleep deprived over it.

No I'm not trying to hold hands with Elder Fortuna

10. I want to tell you about a sister in our ward real quick. So she is not active and crazy. I've met with her since I've been in the area and nothing usually gets through to her. This week we talked about forgiveness for some reason. It just came up. She brought up someone who she "erased" from her life and that's how she "forgives". We asked her how she would feel if Christ erased her if she did something that hurt Him and talked about it for a while. This lady despises and won't talk to her sister. She hasn't talked to her in 20 years or more. Two days after we had that lesson, her sister called her. They didn't get to talk yet but the sister told us about it a couple days ago and is freaking out. We told her how Heavenly Father is giving her the chance to forgive and move on... I really think that's true. It's beautiful to have the view of God's hand in people's lives. I rambled again.


Love you all,


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Take My Heart

So... I have a lot on my mind but I'll just try to structure some chronological order here for clarity's sake. We had a meeting with President Wilson and all the zone leaders in the mission this week. I felt like I was being called to repentance for about seven hours ha. I needed it. A lot of changes are going to happen in the mission. Pretty cool time. I think I can do more. I know I can do more. I'm giving a lot but am I giving everything? I don't know. I want to be able to surrender myself in every way. I want to give my heart and my thoughts over to this work. I want to give it all. Nothing is mine. General Conference was beautiful. It helped me look inside and helped me know how to help the people we're working with. I walked into the Stake Center for the first session on Saturday and it just felt so... perfect. I was so happy to have the chance to learn and change.

I made Elder Gasser stand in some pictures before we came to the Library because I keep forgetting to send you some ha

Most of the people we are working with are at some kind of road block. Elder Gasser and I sit down and plan out our lessons for them and come up with nothing. It's happened a lot. Usually that doesn't happen with me. It's been pretty easy to know what people need to hear. Lately it's been pretty rough. So I came to conference with those concerns knowing that I could receive some help. It's hard to say which talks helped the most because it seemed like all of them contributed to the solution in it's own way. I especially loved Elder Hollands though (of course). It hit me pretty hard. I've been there. I know what it's like to not have faith and to express doubt to fill the demands of my pseudo candor. That's how it is with some of the families we're teaching. This just hit the nail right on the head. I hope they all watched it too. Our new ward mission leader is something of a tender mercy. We met with him after conference and talked about how we can do everything we can do bring these people to this gospel. Good things are about to happen. I don't want to leave this area.. I never want to leave.

It's hard to know when to look when using a self-timer.

Thug Life

We went around all last week inviting everyone to watch conference. I would say it's a pretty unique message to share... we have a prophet on the earth who is speaking to the world. God still loves us and wants to direct and uplift us through modern revelation. President Wilson talked to us about inviting others to "Come unto Christ." Not just helping people strengthen their faith in Christ. Most other churches can do that. There is one way that we can truly come unto Him, and it's through His restored gospel. If the people we talked with could just listen to the Prophet they could feel the validity and divinity of this church. I wish they could see my heart and know that I speak without any ulterior motives. Or at least that's my hope... if you could see my heart and the desires that fill it... what would you see? That's my question I haven't fully answered.. and probably never will be able to fully answer it, but I'm going to keep on looking anyways.

Ummm...

Nothing can stop this work from progressing. It brings tears to my eyes when I think how blessed I am to be a part of it. I get a portion of His vineyard to work. I won't stop. I can't stop. My Savior has never turned His back on me and I will never turn my back on Him. I love Him.


I love you too (:


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Here... I am

I am at peace. I feel like I can stand, while the world is falling apart around me, and be still. Chaos and confusion seem to be just distant memories now. I've felt this way for about three days. I'm not entirely sure why I feel this way... but I'm not complaining. Inhale deep. I don't want this to go away.

Sunday morning could be summed up in within the word of liberation. I sat down early by my CD player and listened to "come thou fount." For whatever reason it just hit me. It hit me right where I needed it to and I sat and cried. Just cried.. like a little girl ha. It was so nice. I haven't cried in a really long time. I've adjusted. I've gotten use to all of the heights of the spirit and the lows of rejection and forgot that I can feel so fully again. I realize the minuscule meaning of this experience to the reader of this letter. The outside looking in it seems pretty... lame. I guess to me it's just evidence of the ups and downs that I've experienced and how finally I am to where I want to be again. Human. Struggling, striving, learning and feeling. I'm breaking the chains of complacency and habit.

So outside of my philosophically spiritual realigning of the soul... everything is falling apart...one of our investigators turns out to have some mental problems and doesn't ever want to see us again. Another one doesn't have any time to meet with us and we can't get a hold of two other or any of our investigators. Just another dip in the road, outside of my circle of control, but it's still somewhat devastating.

That's what's happening now but I want to take a look into the future with you for a bit. There's some momentum happening here in the Snohomish area despite the obvious set backs. We are getting very close with our Bishop. Bishop Nielson. He's the most supportive and missionary minded Bishop I've seen out on the mission. We meet with him all the time and are working out ways that we can pick up the work once again. For the combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting, Bishop had us teach about member missionary work. I was so nervous ha. My heart was bouncing out of my chest before we started but as soon as I said the first words I felt like I was in the game. Game time. Put me in coach! Everyone was participating and laughing and the points that we wanted to hit were spot on. Ooh it felt so good. After the meeting we had everyone coming up to us asking about specific friends and situations where we can start to teach or drop by and help with their family missionary work. It was beautiful. I just wish there was some way I could give the spirit a gift because he is always carrying me when I need him the most.

I feel like I can't end this until I say something about my Savior. I love Him. I've never felt His arms so closely wrapped around mine until now. I am saved everyday from myself because of Him. I can surrender my most horrible thoughts and feelings to Him and He is standing there with His arms wide open just waiting for me to use his gift of the Atonement. It's there. It's always been there. He fills me with love for this work. He fills me with love for my companion and myself. Every good feeling and every impulsive to help my brother is from Him. I can do nothing without Him. I've tried. And it will always remain the same... I am nothing with out my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love how King Benjamin describes our relationship with Him and our Father in Heaven:

"He hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast? And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you."

I can't even find the words to tell you how true this is. I know that my Savior lives and is with me. He has conquered death for us. "Oh death where is thy sting, or grave where is thy victory!" I am so grateful to be worthy and able to represent my Master. I owe it all to Him... and will always, always... be in His debt.

Happy Easter,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill



Dad:
I used your Newton's 3rd law of motion demonstration when I was doing training for the missionaries in the zone. We taught from 8:00AM to 3:30PM. Quite the day. It felt great. Oh and I got your guys's Easter package. Thank you so much. I was so happy (: