J.J.'s party

My family,

I especially missed you this week. No particular reason… I just did. It was an amazing week at the same time. It seems when the most intense emotions arise, no matter its specificity, the opposite is there along with it. I looked back on my journal and saw the drastic feelings from day to day and hour to hour. It was almost ridiculous. I noted that whenever I found myself in a low valley of depression there must be, by definition, a mountain nearby… to take me up to that spiritual high that I know is close by. The neutrality of the world doesn't exist here anymore.

That's me cutting some wood for an investigator

So last week I told you that I was going bowling with J.J. for her daughter’s birthday. I felt like a normal human being again. Not so much as a title… but a friend who cares for her and her family. J.J. invited a couple other families to come and I talked with them and they were so interested in the idea of this mission I’m on. They are really intrigued and actually came to a ward party we had on Friday because of it. So… we are being very blessed.

All of us at the party with J.J.

An hour before Carl’s baptism, his wife called us and told us how she forgot about Carl’s infection that can’t get wet. So we drained the font and called everyone to make sure they didn’t show up. We drove home defeated with my blue tie soaking up the tears. It’s still going to happen.

I gave a talk in church yesterday. I talked about, “If Love Were Our Only Motive.” I based it off of a talk by Russell T. Osguthorp. I doubt that’s really how you spell his name but you get the idea. I think it went well. I also think it was horrible... so I’m not sure how I actually feel about it.

My name on the program so you don't think I'm a liar

I had a philosophical battle in my head last night. It wasn’t very productive. I just realized that it would take way too long to type it and I’m feeling too lazy to erase this paragraph that I already typed so I’ll just be aloof and stop talking. I love you,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

That's me thuggin' it with my sweet old, Elder Duncan

P.S:

Just the other day we were helping someone move and there was this old safe that i was holding and the lady opened it because she forgot what was in there and it was just death. She put a dead hampster in there about a year ago to get rid of it later i guess. I had to take a lap around the house because it just killed me. haha oh man i've never smelled anything so bad in my entire life.

Once again

I can't really think of anything that happened this week. I think a lot happened but I am just empty. Carl didn't get baptized on Saturday, but not because he bailed, it was just too busy at the church so it's rescheduled for this upcoming Saturday. We went to our lesson with Marvin yesterday and he wasn't there and his wife said he didn't want to read the Book of Mormon. Which is really too bad because it's what he needs. Ah, I love that book.

I kind of had a... moment. I don't know what to call it actually. We were at an investigator's watching a conference talk around her kitchen counter. In the other room was her brother cussing at the TV and chilling with his friends. I remember looking at her watching this video and seeing the battle that she fights. It was almost a literal depiction of the "world" in her brothers room and the happiness and the hope in the room we were in. For some reason I was just stunned. It's not just the rap music but just the two drastic lifestyles that were in the same house and how she battles the two every day. The subtleties of Satan are a little clearer to me now. The line is drawn and I was witnessing both realities simultaneously. She could walk five steps into her brothers room and into the arms of digression and complacency . Or she could stay in the battle. Strive and struggle.. and walk into the arms of her Savior and finally be at peace. I don't know. It was definitely a smack in the face. I don't know why, but consider my face smacked.

Today we are going to our investigator's daughter's birthday party. I don't remember if I told you guys about her. Her husband was a member as a kid but hasn't gone since he was 14 and she has never been. He's away on deployment. Oh, and did I tell you that my area is on a military base so I mostly just work with military? I don't know if I ever told you that. Anyways, he's gone and she is wanting to learn about the church. Her kids love us so she moved the party from Saturday to our P-day so that we could come. I'm stoked.

Elder Gay, (he spoke in conference) came to our mission and we talked and listened to him for like 9 hours! ah it was so incredible. I was so pumped. I'll have to tell you more about it when i have time. I can't believe i forgot that. I'm sorry.

McKenna i know a little girl named mckenna in the ward who looks like you did as a kid and i just hang with her all the time. we're best buds. just because she has your name and i miss you like crazy.

Well I should have my first baptism this next Saturday.

I'm going to wear a blue tie.


I love you, dear family. God be with you till we email again.


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Constancy in change

Well it seems the only constant out here is change. My whole district changed. I love it though. We are already slappin butts and hugging anytime we see each other so you know we have something special. Today (preparation day) we just went bowling and played frisbee golf all day.

Dusty the old guy sitting down is an investigator in the other ward
that i covered for a bit. so i won't see him anymore,

Elder Stout and Pelfreyman,. they're so cool and the new elders in the district

Elder and Sister Burningham 

(Sister Burningham called you a while ago remember mom) 

This week seemed especially long for some reason. Conference was amazing. Who knew that if you actually watched and listen to the Prophet of the Lord you would receive revelation? Just last night we were driving home from Coupeville and My companion asked if we should see anyone else before we went home. Normally I just say, "Nope, I can't think of anyone." And we go home. Before I was able to say my usual answer the name Marvin came into my head. Marvin is a quiet black man who we tracted into one day while he was outside his trailer home. He didn't seem interested at all a month ago and we haven't seen him since then. So I shook off the thought and we started driving. Then the thought came back into my head and I would usually just ignore it because I have random thoughts all the time. Then I thought back to conference, about all of the messages on following the promptings of the spirit and not ignoring them. So I just blurted out, "Marvin! We need to see Marvin." My companion looked at me and said, "Ok well you're going to do the talking because I don't know why we're going there." I was like, "OK," and we went towards Marvin's place. We knocked and Marvin answered and invited us in. First miracle. We started talking with him and found out it was his birthday. Second miracle. We ended up talking for about an hour and gave him the first lesson and now we have another appointment with him next week and he's our new investigator. Miracle number three.

I was writing one night and I had this pestering thought that I was becoming unoriginal. Or at least I'm predictable. I'm changing and becoming who I am supposed to be. For some reason that bothered me. I was longing for some individuality. I didn't like the idea of becoming who I was expected to be. Then I took another step back and thought about how I only had those kinds of thoughts when I wasn't relying on Christ. Who really cares what my outward appearance is on a the trivial level? I am not changing just on the outside where it may seem expected. Most could have guessed that I would be maturing while on a mission. But... what isn't as easily perceived is the internal change that I can't even describe. Words aren't sufficient for the feelings that I experience. Maybe that is also expected. But I don't care. That's not as important as I thought it was. I could jump off of a roof and no one would have expected that, but does that really make me individual? Yeah kind of actually... so I don't know.

Me

Also I saw a mail truck the other day and I felt just as excited as I did seeing an ice cream truck when I was a kid. I wonder what it will be in twenty years from now that gets me those kinds of feelings.

I think my favorite talk at General Conference was Bowen. Where he talked about the plan of salvation and coping with loss. I don't know why. It was so real. So powerful. So much hope. They talked about missionary work a ton. I felt kind of... i don't know. It was just like hey i'm really on a mission. This is a big deal. General Authorities are talking about me right now to the world.

I go to the doctor tomorrow for my shoulder so i'll tell you about it next p-day. Pray for me.


Stay Christian,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Inhale, exhale

I don't know if anything has really changed here since the last time I wrote you. At least on the surface level. We are still working with several investigators that you know about. I am still changing and learning every day.

Tomorrow is the first transfer. I don't believe that it's really here. Somebody is tricking me. I'm not being transferred so I'll be here another six weeks in the good ole Oak Harbor area. Elder Davis, my best buddy out here, is getting transferred though so that's not my favorite part of the day. I think I will still have my same companion. But I don't know for sure.

There is a less active man in our ward who we meet with every so often. His wife has been really sick for the past two years or so and passed away on Thursday. We went over to do service at his house and he told us the news. I can't imagine how he feels. He has two girls and travels back and forth from Utah to Washington because of his job. He asked if we could be Pall Bearers at the funeral so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow at 11:00 am. I hope I don't cry.

I was having a really rough morning on Thursday and decided to look at all of my pictures of you guys. I was sad at first and then I saw a picture of Kenna and heard her laugh when she's like embarrassed and stuff and is falling over cause she's laughing so hard. That made me smile. Then I saw a picture of Lindz and heard her laugh too and pictured us being down stairs at 3:00 in the morning laughing our heads off and Mom coming down to glare at us and that made me laugh a little bit. Then saw a picture of the whole family and imagined all of your individual laughs and especially Dad's little snicker where he covers his mouth and goes hehehe.. And Mom's laugh where she starts crying because she can't help how hard she's laughing. By the end of picturing all of that I was laughing out loud and felt so much better. I just had to tell you about it.

I am being blessed beyond what I ever thought was possible. The Lord answers my prayers in the most amazing ways. I have never had this type of trust before. Where I can truly rely on God and know that He is there to help me because I am here only to help Him. How can I doubt that he will make my pathway straight and clear the way for me to bring my brothers and sisters back to Him. He is mindful of every single person that I see on the street. There is a man sitting next to me in the library right now. We've never talked. I don't know a single thing about him. All I know is that he is loved more powerfully than I can even have the capacity to love. By that same God who loves me. How can I not love this man next to me too?

An email back and forth on his p-day:

aww... momma you are the best!! I tried to think of what I could give you to pay you back for all that you do for me... i thought about building you a kingdom and letting you rule the land. but i don't know if you would like that. so i thought buying a library and letting you have it because you love reading. maybe you would like that. but i think you find the most happiness in your family's happiness. so i'm going to be happy. for you momma. I'm going to be the best missionary in the world just so that you can see how good of a mother you are. I'm serious.


Elder Merrill