Bright Side of the Hill

Again I find myself torn between the past and the present. It hurt to leave Penn Cove. Why didn't anyone tell me transfers blow? Ha it's alright. Life is different. Mission life. It's a different world when you come into a new area and have to take lead on everything from day one. I'm a district leader now. This is a really big growing opportunity for me. My District is cool. My first District Meeting went pretty well.

So this area (Duvall), hasn't had a single investigator for over six months. It's alright though we'll turn it around. All I need is your prayers and a little help from the angels around me. I'm coming closer to feeling the definition of stress and inadequacy. I'm also coming closer to the understanding of submission. My white flag has been raised. "God grant me the serenity," isn't a too distant phrase from my heart. It's beautiful how in the lowest times, when I have no one, or nothing to work with, Heavenly Father allows me to feel more love than I have ever felt before. My testimony has never been stronger, my body has never been weaker, and my focus has never been clearer. I am stripped of my home, my friends, my comfort zone, my support and what do I have left? Everything. I have everything. I have the knowledge that I am a child of my dear Heavenly Father. Who hasn't forgotten me in this trial. Who is mindful of my pain and my loneliness. I am never alone. I love my Savior. I feel His love for my struggling companion. I feel His love for this area. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and remember how blessed we are to know that we are loved.

Elder Trent Jay Merrill
P.O. Box 1651
Duvall, WA 98019

The Ink of Memory

I'm slightly distracted right now. You see, I am being transferred. First for everything. It's probably something I will have to get used to because of the whole missionary thing. I actually knew I was going to be transferred since Thursday night so I told everyone in the ward I was leaving. Because I wanted some sympathy good byes. Those make everyone feel good. And horrible.... Kind of bitter sweet is probably how I would say it.

Update:

Our investigator can't be baptized for at least six months. . He wants to keep meeting with us (not me I guess actually because I won't be here) and come to church until his eligibility for baptism is back on track. So that's what's going on there.

As for the plan. The plan is to work with the members. They are the keys to finding and we need some unlocking. So... that's what we started doing a lot more. We met with Bishop and he told us not to tract in this area. If we're not with non-members then be with his members and teach them how to be missionaries. Pretty cool. I'm a little bummed I am leaving when it's all about to come together. All part of the adventure I suppose.

Well I don't know what else there is to report. I don't know where I'm going yet. I'll find out once I get to the mission office tomorrow.I need to start taking deeper breaths. Penn Cove is coming into my rear view mirrors. The only place I've known on a mission. Kind of weird. You know that feeling when you're alone and you feel mysterious and kind of want to draw for some reason? Probably not.. but that's exactly how I feel right now. If potential was an emotion I would be feeling it. But it's not... so I don't know how to describe it.

Letter from the Future

Ah man it was a good week. Just a funny week I guess. I don't know if that much actually happened. Well actually there was some big stuff. For the Hospital thang... it's not exactly what we wanted. But we are on the list to be contacted at the hospital if anyone asks for us. The radio station avenue... still a big possibility. We can interview someone or share inspirational scripture or just rap on the air.. I don't know. We can do anything. So I welcome any of your ideas on what we can do with this harnessed potential. Patrick met with President Wilson and it all went well. He can be baptized now. I'll keep you updated on that. We're working closely with our ward and are receiving a lot of referrals lately for people we can visit. I feel so blessed to know these people. They are everything to me.

The other day we were on our way to visit someone in an old apartment complex and this rocker guy walks by us and says, "Jesus, man!" And we were like,"Yeah!" And he just kept on walking by. Then about two minutes later he finds us knocking on someones door and tells us to follow him. So we did. And he took us into his apartment and starts to shred on the guitar ha. After a couple minutes of that he was like, "Hey how old are you guys?" We told him how old we were and he was like, "Ah no way man you're way older than me.. I'm from the future. Good to meet you guys." Then we talked about Jimi Hendrix and he said we were his best friends. On our way out he told us about his time with Moses back in the day and that we are sent from "The One." So that was probably... one of my favorite experiences. Drugs man. Drugs. Don't do drugs.

Another beauty: We've been working with a family in our ward to help them get to the temple. It has been a really emotional journey for them, especially for the husband to receive the Priesthood. I didn't know how much progress they were making on it lately and yesterday after Sacrament Meeting the husband came up to me and asked if I would ordain him into the office of Elder! I had this electricity flow through my veins when he asked me that. I don't know. I love the blessings that come from following this gospel. He was so happy. Just glowing. So I ordained him with my shaky hands under the Stake President and Bishop's steady grip... I felt inadequate. That's not unusual. But The Spirit helped me out like always. Gave me words. Gave me strength. If there's one thing I would take away from this mission (which I couldn't because there's too much to take away) it would be to always have the spirit with me. I just need it. I'm pretty messed up with out it. It's a beautiful gift.

The Good, The Bad, and The Neatly Combed Hair

We had Zone Conference this week and President Wilson focused almost exclusively on "finding." He told us to start thinking differently about the concept. When Elder Gay came and spoke to our mission he told us the same thing. We need to be little more creative and a little more out of the box. Knocking doors isn't put aside entirely... but we need to find more people. We need to reach out to everyone in our area. That's what we've been focusing on this week.

I've heard it been said the originality is just knowing how to hide your sources. Well I think that's pretty true...sometimes. At least it is with what's been going on with us. We've had some hard times. Almost every single one of our investigators has dropped. One moved away. Another ran away. One all of the sudden isn't interested at all and won't let us come over. We're back to ground zero here. It's not the worst place to be... but it's going to take a lot more work to get things going again. I told you about our idea to work as clergy in the hospital.. we have an appointment with the leader of the ministerial staff this week and hopefully will be able to get that going. We're also trying to put an ad in the newspaper for a scripture study that we would hold in the community. Where we can compare and contrast the Holy Bible with the Book of Mormon and just have discussions with believers of any faith. (I would love any ideas from you guys on how we can do it better or what we should do.) We are starting to work with a local radio station to have some time to advertise our services and our religion. We can play a song too so... I feel bad for everyone who will have to listen to me sing... maybe another miracle will come our way and I will sound a little bit like Brandon Flowers. A man can dream.

I also was very nervous this week. Especially when we had our lesson with a previous investigator. I was worried that I'd blow it. We were just casually talking at the beginning and I noticed that my heart was pounding a little too hard. My hands were a little bit sweaty. My confidence was a little bit... absent. I silently prayed for help. I prayed for the spirit and I surrendered my feelings of inadequacy to my Father in Heaven. He took it. He took everything that was weighing me down and gave me the words to speak. The lesson took everything from me. I felt exhausted afterwards because.... well I don't really know why. I just put everything into it. I love moments like that. I really love seeing how "man" is worthless.... without God. Especially me. I would have ruined their potential to receive the perfect message if I took it on myself. I hope they felt what I felt in that lesson. I think they did... and that makes me feel it even more.

I don't know why I tell you my challenges in these letters... I guess it is somewhat cathartic for me. I always love the advice you give back to me too. This week it was doubt. Doubt in myself. I really had the worst thoughts about myself. They keep coming full speed and at the worst times. I don't want to let these paralyze me like they have before. I need to put my Faith in God more than ever right now. I can't trust in myself for one minute or I'll doubt every single decision I make. I want to take a step back again and get outside of my head. I also want to stop asking the question, "Is this against the rules?" to dictate my choices. I want to ask something more like, "Would this please my Savior?" Maybe something like that would help. I just need to remember it more.

You are dearly loved,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Welcome to the Good Life

I woke up this morning and sat under a dim light and tried being honest with myself. I felt.... happy. That kind of happiness isn't too easy to find without Christ. I might even go so far to say that it's impossible. I feel really grateful today. More so than usual. My heart rate is steady, my hands are sure, my mind is clear while the sun is shining on all those who live in Oak Harbor. Happy day for the believer who once called himself Trent.

That's me workin the scarf. I don't know why I look so unhappy.

This has been a week of thoughts outside of the box. We started to notice that our stats were going down one night and we were thinking... that's probably not good. So we took a good hard look at what we were doing. Most of the time, if we didn't have lessons or appointments, we would just knock some doors till our knuckles were sore... then we knocked some more. It actually hasn't been terribly ineffective but I'm thinking there's some better ways that we haven't looked into. So we started brainstorming and reading Preach My Gospel for some more finding ideas. We went to the hospital and signed up as clergy to talk to people who are in crises. Hopefully that goes well. We have a ministerial certificate from the Prophet. We'll talk with the Chaplin to see if we can make that happen. We are going to shake it up here on the Island and make something special happen... hopefully. I am praying a lot for ideas and for inspiration for what we can do here to bring more souls to that happiness that comes in the early morning... under dim lights. You know what I'm talking about.

I love riding the bus to different parts of our area. We always get into interesting conversations. People come up to us and ask us things like, "Can Mormons wear Pajamas?" and, "Where does the word Celtic come from?" That wasn't just an exaggerated example.. Those are the questions from this week ha... and then we get the opportunity to share what we really believe. The Truth.

Thanksgiving was good. I forgot to say that earlier. I figured you would want me to touch on that somewhat. It was like a full day p-day so we just played games at a members house with the other Elders and laughed our heads off. The mom was just dying laughing and it made me laugh the whole night. It was pretty dang fun.

Last night we were looking in the area book and saw a former investigator who was taught seven years ago ha. We looked at each other and figured what the cuss... why not. So we stopped by and the husband was like, "What do you guys want!?" And I kind of ignored him ha and asked if his wife needed help carrying in the stuff in her hands. Then they opened up and we joked around for a bit and they invited us in for some Hot Cocoa. We talked with them about life, family and deception pass. They were so nice to us and we set up a lesson with them for this Friday so I'm quite giddy. Like.... pretty dang giddy. I don't really like that word. I'm excited.

My planning mustache. It's my muse. 

Elder Pectol's planning mustache.

Last night I was at Dinner at a members house and the husband is taking philosophy right now. His wife said that he's always complaining, "Ugh why doesn't Elder Merrill just come over right now and help me." haha I had him print out some of his essay questions because I was so excited to read them.. It seems i'm quite nerdy..

Today I think we'll play some basketball because I haven't done that yet. Then we'll hit up some thrift stores and get some christmas decorations and I don't know just have a chill day.

Well this day is to you my dear family and friends,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Greetings everyone. I love you.

So this week was what we've all been waiting for... just kidding i'm sure you weren't waiting for it... but I have definitely been waiting for this for a long time. I got a new companion, Elder Pectol. I love him. We are just tearing it up out here. Crazy things are happening. I also have new challenges... which is good. I need some failure to keep me in the right frame of mind. Of my own nothingness. Ooh I love when that really sinks in. When I really feel so powerless and hopeless that I spend the day almost bruising my knees so that I can have relief. I am a little too hard on myself sometimes... maybe.

First things first: Elder Pectol. He's from Heber City Utah. He likes sports, the beatles and skateboarding. He also is entirely chill with everything. He's a great missionary.

The PECTOLNATOR!! 

Me and Him

Him and Me

 

Second: Crazy things are happening. So for some reasons all of these miracles hitting us in the face. We got a referral from mormon.org to visit a man. Apparently, those referrals don't work out very often so my hopes weren't too high when we contacted him. We tried his address the first night and he said come back another time. So we went back the next day and he wasn't there. He called later that night and said to come back. So we went back there the next day and sat down with him. We asked him what he was hoping to get with meeting with us and he said, "Oh I just want to join your church." Ha so... hopefully we can help him out with that one.

We got another referral from a lady in our ward. So we contacted that referral and he came to church with us yesterday. He's this biblical and philosophical scholar... kind. So he knows a lot of the deep doctrine of the church so that's going to be an intense lesson. We clicked right off the bat though so I'm not too worried. Plus, I don't really have to ever worry because the spirit is my best buddy out here and hasn't let me down.

I just did P90x again today. I've done it so many times. I keep upping the reps every time so I am kicking Tony Horton's butt!! Yes I do have P90x memorized now. So I do the chest and back two times a week and legs and shoulders (a mixture work out) once a week. Then jump rope the other three days.

That's awesome about Merissa. Tell her congrats for me. (Trent's cousin just received her mission call to Concepcion Chili!)

It's pretty cool here because I feel like I know everyone really well. And everyone knows me. So they all come up to me at church and we joke around. And in ward council they ask my opinion and I am really involved with it all. It feels pretty good. I don't want to leave this place. It'll be way weird and hard to adjust.. but in all likelihood i'll be going to a new area a week before Christmas. No good.

So that's all for now folks,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill.

Fam Fam: I'm excited for Thanksgiving because 1: it's p-day and we'll play some sick sports because Elder Pectol likes playing ball and stuff. 2: it's thanksgiving. yummy food. 3: no other reason but I hate to leave a list at 2. Are you excited for thanksgiving? It's not my P-day today but we have permission to email since p-day got moved to thanksgiving day and the libraries won't be open then. pretty sweet!!

The Fan is on Medium

This is the space between the second hand's tick. Where I anticipate the inevitable. Where time slows down just enough to make me forget I'm even waiting. In a couple hours I'll get a new companion. I'll still be on the island though. It's not that big of a deal to all of you out there who are reading this. I'm not even sure if it's a big deal to me... but it feels big.. and I feel small.. because I don't have any influence over the situation. Other than to accept whatever comes my way with open arms. Wish me luck. 

The Moffets: They're a couple in our ward that I love

I am very glad that i"m staying in Penn Cove. It feels so good here. Always beautiful. I know the ward really well and don't want to leave my investigators I'm working with.

Carl was baptized! I probably should have wrote that first but I am a little distracted right now so that's my excuse. The baptism was pretty special. When he came out of the font and got dressed he came into the room and sat down and said, "I feel clean," with a huge smile on his face. It was so peaceful. I am going to miss meeting with him that often. I learned a lot from them.

Cameron Wakefield

So the lady sitting next to me in the library right now just told me her sad life story. It was quite interesting. I feel weird right now.. but in a good way. I'm grateful for not having that sad story in my own memory. I feel really bad for her too. I would never have assumed any of that if I just looked at her. It opens my eyes to see that everyone around me has problems. They all need this message and they all need God and I can help them find Him. 

Carl Smith and his wife Margaret on his big day

So Sunday night i went to dinner in first ward with elder hall. For some reason i felt peace, peace that I've never felt that strongly. It was weird. I want that always. I don't know why it came at that time but it was just like, "everything is good, everything is going to be ok. I am happy." I just wanted to tell you about it because it was really special to me. How has your week been? Thank you so much for your letters. I seriously just have no idea how I can ever thank you enough for your love and support.

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Master of my Soul

My lovely family,

I'm sorry that I am so late to write you. It's my companions last P-day.... he wanted to go shopping and go to do some stuff with the district so that's why i'm so late. It was pretty fun though. How are you guys? Good? I hope good. Mom: I got your letter. Loved it. You wrote to my soul. Thank you so much. Also, I got the letter from Sis. Dahl from all of the YW and it was the sweetest thing in the world. Please thank her for me. I loved it. You asked me how we taught single sisters? Well we have to have an adult male with us. So we always just find members to come with us to lessons anyways. Or at least we try to.
Dad: I got your letter too and it was amazing. I especially loved how you showed the contrasting poems. That hit me in a different way than I expected because I've read the "Captain of my Soul- Invictus" one when I was in high school and thought it was the coolest thing ever. I didn't think about it the way that Orson F. Whitney wrote about it. I loved that. Thank you so much. I am so grateful for you guys. Ah man you have no idea.

So this week was pretty cool. It was probably the fastest one I've had so far. I went on two exchanges and really enjoyed them. I'm quite excited for whatever is coming my way. It could be a huge change. Next Tuesday is transfers. I'll let you know everything next email.

Carl's baptism is this Saturday. It's going to happen this time I can feel it.

One of the transfers I went on was with my Zone Leader. It was sick. He isn't allowed to drive so I cruised while we listened to some beautiful alternative christian music. The ZL's area is really big so we ended up driving like 100 or more miles that day and just talked and chilled the whole time. We taught a lot of lessons and saw a lot of miracles. It was pretty cool.

On Halloween night we all had to be in our apartments by six o'clock so we would be safe or something. I watched the testaments and had a pretty cool experience. I was thinking about the little things again. About how I can become a better person and a better teacher. I don't want to hold myself back from saving all of my friends here on Whidbey Island.... so I think about that from time to time. I think about how I can change... because I still need a lot of that. Sometimes I picture Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I just talk to them. I ask what I can do to change. I had the conference talks and scriptures come into my head and I felt Christ ask me, "Do you love me?" and I thought about it for a while and I realized how much I do love Him. How I can stand boldly and unashamed and say, "I love you, Master," and I know he will believe me because he knows my heart. I've never been in a position to feel that way. It changes everything. That's all that matters. Everything else falls into place. The little things become big again and I start to recognize significance in everything. I really like that. I really love those moments. 

P.S. Regarding the picture: The piano was outside because I carried it down the freaking stairs!! so it was a big deal. It took ten people to take it down the first time apparently. So the lady who owned it calls me the Gorilla because I was crazy and took one side by myself. I only slightly hurt myself. It was worth it though.


The Captain of the Soul- Invictus by William E. Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The Soul's Captain [The Answer] 

by Elder Orson F. Whitney of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
Art thou in truth? Then what of him
Who bought thee with his blood?
Who plunged into devouring seas
And snatched thee from the flood?
Who bore for all our fallen race
What none but him could bear.
The God who died that man might live,
And endless glory share?
Of what avail thy vaunted strength,
Apart from his vast might?
Pray that his Light may pierce the gloom,
That thou mayest see aright.
Men are as bubbles on the wave,
As leaves upon the tree.
Thou, captain of thy soul, forsooth
Who gave that place to thee?
Free will is thine — free agency
To wield for right or wrong;
But thou must answer unto him
To whom all souls belong.
Bend to the dust that head "unbowed,"
Small part of Life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul

Walking on Blessings

Monday Oct 29, 2012

Ah my family. Man, I hope you are all happy. It's been a good and quick week for me. I am now senior companion (only because that's part of the training program) so that's been pretty fun. I don't know how much changed this week but I had a couple of cool experiences.

We came over to see a lady that we've been teaching. She's going through some tough times. I felt really bad for her. We were talking to her and reading from the Book of Mormon a little bit and in the middle of it all, the spirit told me to tell her I love her.
I was like, "Spirit, what!?"
and it was like, "tell her you love her."
I was like, "that's awkward spirit."
"don't argue with me"
So I cleared my throat to get the attention on me and then made an awkward transition into me telling her how much I cared about her. That I could actually feel the love from Heavenly Father for her. And I really could. It was so powerful that I was almost getting emotional telling her about how I felt and how God felt about her. It was cool. She had a little fleck of hope in her eyes that was never there before. I'm glad I wasn't too scared to listen to the prompting because I normally would shake those kinds of thoughts off. I'm a coward.

We had a ward Halloween party on Saturday and it was pouring rain. Absolutely pouring. I was soaked because I had to keep going out in the rain to set things up inside of the big tent that everyone was in. So that was fun. J.J. showed up too so we had a good ole time together. We made a game to shoot marshmallows out of some PVC pipe and hit targets to get some candy. It was a big deal. Lines going out the door into the rain. They couldn't handle it. Too much fun.


So.....I'm being very blessed. You guys must be praying for me and my investigators or something. I'm not baptizing everyone I see. (Which would be sick. Ha) But....I don't know... I'm helping people. I really am doing good in the world. And it's not even me. Anyone can do this. They just need to feel the way I do. It's amazing to feel this way. To feel love and concern. I was so cynical and hardened. And I meet people like that our here. I just want to give them my memories. So they know that change isn't very far away. It extends with redemptive power to anyone who receives our message.

Well only two more weeks to go until inevitable change. I hope it's the good kind. Either way I think it'll be alright. Life's pretty good out here in the real world. I still find a smile close by when we're walking in the rain. I'm never too far away from a miracle. Walking on blessings. I don't want this to go away.

Cheers to you,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

J.J.'s party

My family,

I especially missed you this week. No particular reason… I just did. It was an amazing week at the same time. It seems when the most intense emotions arise, no matter its specificity, the opposite is there along with it. I looked back on my journal and saw the drastic feelings from day to day and hour to hour. It was almost ridiculous. I noted that whenever I found myself in a low valley of depression there must be, by definition, a mountain nearby… to take me up to that spiritual high that I know is close by. The neutrality of the world doesn't exist here anymore.

That's me cutting some wood for an investigator

So last week I told you that I was going bowling with J.J. for her daughter’s birthday. I felt like a normal human being again. Not so much as a title… but a friend who cares for her and her family. J.J. invited a couple other families to come and I talked with them and they were so interested in the idea of this mission I’m on. They are really intrigued and actually came to a ward party we had on Friday because of it. So… we are being very blessed.

All of us at the party with J.J.

An hour before Carl’s baptism, his wife called us and told us how she forgot about Carl’s infection that can’t get wet. So we drained the font and called everyone to make sure they didn’t show up. We drove home defeated with my blue tie soaking up the tears. It’s still going to happen.

I gave a talk in church yesterday. I talked about, “If Love Were Our Only Motive.” I based it off of a talk by Russell T. Osguthorp. I doubt that’s really how you spell his name but you get the idea. I think it went well. I also think it was horrible... so I’m not sure how I actually feel about it.

My name on the program so you don't think I'm a liar

I had a philosophical battle in my head last night. It wasn’t very productive. I just realized that it would take way too long to type it and I’m feeling too lazy to erase this paragraph that I already typed so I’ll just be aloof and stop talking. I love you,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

That's me thuggin' it with my sweet old, Elder Duncan

P.S:

Just the other day we were helping someone move and there was this old safe that i was holding and the lady opened it because she forgot what was in there and it was just death. She put a dead hampster in there about a year ago to get rid of it later i guess. I had to take a lap around the house because it just killed me. haha oh man i've never smelled anything so bad in my entire life.

Once again

I can't really think of anything that happened this week. I think a lot happened but I am just empty. Carl didn't get baptized on Saturday, but not because he bailed, it was just too busy at the church so it's rescheduled for this upcoming Saturday. We went to our lesson with Marvin yesterday and he wasn't there and his wife said he didn't want to read the Book of Mormon. Which is really too bad because it's what he needs. Ah, I love that book.

I kind of had a... moment. I don't know what to call it actually. We were at an investigator's watching a conference talk around her kitchen counter. In the other room was her brother cussing at the TV and chilling with his friends. I remember looking at her watching this video and seeing the battle that she fights. It was almost a literal depiction of the "world" in her brothers room and the happiness and the hope in the room we were in. For some reason I was just stunned. It's not just the rap music but just the two drastic lifestyles that were in the same house and how she battles the two every day. The subtleties of Satan are a little clearer to me now. The line is drawn and I was witnessing both realities simultaneously. She could walk five steps into her brothers room and into the arms of digression and complacency . Or she could stay in the battle. Strive and struggle.. and walk into the arms of her Savior and finally be at peace. I don't know. It was definitely a smack in the face. I don't know why, but consider my face smacked.

Today we are going to our investigator's daughter's birthday party. I don't remember if I told you guys about her. Her husband was a member as a kid but hasn't gone since he was 14 and she has never been. He's away on deployment. Oh, and did I tell you that my area is on a military base so I mostly just work with military? I don't know if I ever told you that. Anyways, he's gone and she is wanting to learn about the church. Her kids love us so she moved the party from Saturday to our P-day so that we could come. I'm stoked.

Elder Gay, (he spoke in conference) came to our mission and we talked and listened to him for like 9 hours! ah it was so incredible. I was so pumped. I'll have to tell you more about it when i have time. I can't believe i forgot that. I'm sorry.

McKenna i know a little girl named mckenna in the ward who looks like you did as a kid and i just hang with her all the time. we're best buds. just because she has your name and i miss you like crazy.

Well I should have my first baptism this next Saturday.

I'm going to wear a blue tie.


I love you, dear family. God be with you till we email again.


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Constancy in change

Well it seems the only constant out here is change. My whole district changed. I love it though. We are already slappin butts and hugging anytime we see each other so you know we have something special. Today (preparation day) we just went bowling and played frisbee golf all day.

Dusty the old guy sitting down is an investigator in the other ward
that i covered for a bit. so i won't see him anymore,

Elder Stout and Pelfreyman,. they're so cool and the new elders in the district

Elder and Sister Burningham 

(Sister Burningham called you a while ago remember mom) 

This week seemed especially long for some reason. Conference was amazing. Who knew that if you actually watched and listen to the Prophet of the Lord you would receive revelation? Just last night we were driving home from Coupeville and My companion asked if we should see anyone else before we went home. Normally I just say, "Nope, I can't think of anyone." And we go home. Before I was able to say my usual answer the name Marvin came into my head. Marvin is a quiet black man who we tracted into one day while he was outside his trailer home. He didn't seem interested at all a month ago and we haven't seen him since then. So I shook off the thought and we started driving. Then the thought came back into my head and I would usually just ignore it because I have random thoughts all the time. Then I thought back to conference, about all of the messages on following the promptings of the spirit and not ignoring them. So I just blurted out, "Marvin! We need to see Marvin." My companion looked at me and said, "Ok well you're going to do the talking because I don't know why we're going there." I was like, "OK," and we went towards Marvin's place. We knocked and Marvin answered and invited us in. First miracle. We started talking with him and found out it was his birthday. Second miracle. We ended up talking for about an hour and gave him the first lesson and now we have another appointment with him next week and he's our new investigator. Miracle number three.

I was writing one night and I had this pestering thought that I was becoming unoriginal. Or at least I'm predictable. I'm changing and becoming who I am supposed to be. For some reason that bothered me. I was longing for some individuality. I didn't like the idea of becoming who I was expected to be. Then I took another step back and thought about how I only had those kinds of thoughts when I wasn't relying on Christ. Who really cares what my outward appearance is on a the trivial level? I am not changing just on the outside where it may seem expected. Most could have guessed that I would be maturing while on a mission. But... what isn't as easily perceived is the internal change that I can't even describe. Words aren't sufficient for the feelings that I experience. Maybe that is also expected. But I don't care. That's not as important as I thought it was. I could jump off of a roof and no one would have expected that, but does that really make me individual? Yeah kind of actually... so I don't know.

Me

Also I saw a mail truck the other day and I felt just as excited as I did seeing an ice cream truck when I was a kid. I wonder what it will be in twenty years from now that gets me those kinds of feelings.

I think my favorite talk at General Conference was Bowen. Where he talked about the plan of salvation and coping with loss. I don't know why. It was so real. So powerful. So much hope. They talked about missionary work a ton. I felt kind of... i don't know. It was just like hey i'm really on a mission. This is a big deal. General Authorities are talking about me right now to the world.

I go to the doctor tomorrow for my shoulder so i'll tell you about it next p-day. Pray for me.


Stay Christian,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Inhale, exhale

I don't know if anything has really changed here since the last time I wrote you. At least on the surface level. We are still working with several investigators that you know about. I am still changing and learning every day.

Tomorrow is the first transfer. I don't believe that it's really here. Somebody is tricking me. I'm not being transferred so I'll be here another six weeks in the good ole Oak Harbor area. Elder Davis, my best buddy out here, is getting transferred though so that's not my favorite part of the day. I think I will still have my same companion. But I don't know for sure.

There is a less active man in our ward who we meet with every so often. His wife has been really sick for the past two years or so and passed away on Thursday. We went over to do service at his house and he told us the news. I can't imagine how he feels. He has two girls and travels back and forth from Utah to Washington because of his job. He asked if we could be Pall Bearers at the funeral so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow at 11:00 am. I hope I don't cry.

I was having a really rough morning on Thursday and decided to look at all of my pictures of you guys. I was sad at first and then I saw a picture of Kenna and heard her laugh when she's like embarrassed and stuff and is falling over cause she's laughing so hard. That made me smile. Then I saw a picture of Lindz and heard her laugh too and pictured us being down stairs at 3:00 in the morning laughing our heads off and Mom coming down to glare at us and that made me laugh a little bit. Then saw a picture of the whole family and imagined all of your individual laughs and especially Dad's little snicker where he covers his mouth and goes hehehe.. And Mom's laugh where she starts crying because she can't help how hard she's laughing. By the end of picturing all of that I was laughing out loud and felt so much better. I just had to tell you about it.

I am being blessed beyond what I ever thought was possible. The Lord answers my prayers in the most amazing ways. I have never had this type of trust before. Where I can truly rely on God and know that He is there to help me because I am here only to help Him. How can I doubt that he will make my pathway straight and clear the way for me to bring my brothers and sisters back to Him. He is mindful of every single person that I see on the street. There is a man sitting next to me in the library right now. We've never talked. I don't know a single thing about him. All I know is that he is loved more powerfully than I can even have the capacity to love. By that same God who loves me. How can I not love this man next to me too?

An email back and forth on his p-day:

aww... momma you are the best!! I tried to think of what I could give you to pay you back for all that you do for me... i thought about building you a kingdom and letting you rule the land. but i don't know if you would like that. so i thought buying a library and letting you have it because you love reading. maybe you would like that. but i think you find the most happiness in your family's happiness. so i'm going to be happy. for you momma. I'm going to be the best missionary in the world just so that you can see how good of a mother you are. I'm serious.


Elder Merrill

Mmm...

I don't know where to begin. This week has taken the norm and structure of what I know and turned it ever so slightly. Just enough to where it stings inside. The Elders in the First Ward were sent home. I feel so bad for them. I love those guys. When one of the Elders left last Monday, he came over and gave me all of his stuff. So now I have like 80 ties and his old heelies and work out bands and stuff ha.

So now My companion and I are taking over their ward for the rest of the transfer. It's a lot more work. We cover basically the whole northern part of Whidbey Island and I feel very small. My Companion is stressed out but I don't know how I feel. I feel good. I feel... unprepared.

I want to tell you something. Something amazing.

We went out tracting on a thick, foggy night. We got off the bus in Coupeville and watched it disappear in a matter of seconds. We started walking down a street and couldn't see a foot in front of us. I loved it. We knocked on the first door and this old man opened and said, " come on in." Next thing we knew we were on his couch. He was watching an old SciFi show that my comp couldn't stop watching ha. So I just talked with him for a while. We ended up talking about his religion, Catholicism. We shared with him our message and he didn't hate it. Which is rare. We gave him the Book of Mormon and asked him to read it and we are meeting with him again tonight. Thanks for listening.

One more story. A couple nights ago my companion and I got in an argument. In the middle of the argument the door bell rang and it was a member from first ward who was picking us up for our lesson that we had with his non-member brother. We got in the car and put on a happy face the best we could. We started talking with his brother, and he just asked us a bunch of questions. Questions that I have answered easily before. Questions that required me to speak from the heart. When I started to answer him I just choked on my words. I was sweating and fumbling over everything I said. I couldn't do it. I was a mess. I hated myself. Then half way through I just smiled. I thought to myself, "this is who I am without the spirit." I said a prayer in my heart that I could be forgiven of my pride and anger that I gave into. I prayed for the spirit to be with me, my companion and also with the members brother and his family. The rest of the lesson was amazing. I related to him and was able to understand his perspective. He wants to meet with us again.

I'm still stuck between the longing of yesterday and the hope of tomorrow. I'm getting closer to the moment every day. I need to be... here. Right here. Right now. It's the only place that I can change.. and I need to change. I need to let go of something... maybe everything... but definitely something. Maybe I just need to let go of that thought ha. Everything gained and nothing lost if it's surrendered to the Lord.

Love your neighbor and mother nature,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill.


P.S.
Romans 8: 38-39:

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,


39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Sep 17th, 2012

So I got a letter from Thomas (his friend on a mission in Mexico) that he sent about two months ago. I just wanted to steal a line he wrote me, it's so true. "The hours are fast, the days are slow, the weeks fly past and the months just go." He's a clever little guy. I've been out a month now (almost) and it happened so fast. I've had a couple times when I look at this moment, the present moment, from hindsight. I don't know how to explain it but I almost miss this moment. I think it's because there is so much potential to be discovered that if I blink one too many times during a day I could miss something that could have changed everything.


Time is nothing if not a double edged sword. It's killing me to have this "time" of two years between us. Though it's also not enough time to accomplish all that is possible here. I already miss the people that I haven't had to say good bye too.


Mr. Smith found something that I like to call happiness. His life is rough, he sits in his big chair all day and considers it a successful triumph if he takes his pills on time. When I first met him, his only response was, "OK," to all of our questions. That actually hasn't changed much but now he has something in his eyes. He smiles and laughs and I asked him to be baptized on October 13th. He said yes!


Brandi is starting to find that same gift. She looks different. She already was inherently a kinder person than I could ever be but now she is finding more than she asked for. We're reading the Book of Mormon with her now and she says she finally understands things now. So that's always good to hear.


It was weird. So for the past couple weeks I've been doing alright. I've been keeping it together and just losing myself in the work. When I first got here, and the past years in this area of Penn Cove, the work was dead. Nothing was moving. The timing is aligning pretty well with me being here because now we're leading the zone. We're being blessed more than we could ever deserve.


So tonight I have a lesson with a new investigator that we tracted into and then we are having family home evening at the Somes (members. they're the best) with Brandi. We're watching the Joseph Smith movie. I'm so excited because she has been curious about the beginning of our church. It's perfect.


I love reading Jesus The Christ so much. I'm also reading Mere Christianity whenever I can find time like during lunch and stuff. I'm reading through the Book of Mormon and am projected to finish by Christmas. lots of reading and I still feel like I want more time! ha.


So... guess what?


The church is true


love you so much..


Elder Trent Jay Merrill

It's a small world

My family. My sweet old family. Sometimes I have the weirdest realizations that we will all see each other again. Then I don't believe those thoughts and time starts look a little longer than it used to. So... I still miss you guys. I still love you more than I thought I was capable of. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for you.

Well I'll hit a couple of highlights that happened this week. I went on exchanges with the Zone Leaders this week and it was probably my best day out here so far. We switched on Wednesday night and I stayed over at their place. We didn't necessarily work any harder than I do now, because we're always working here. It just seemed more satisfying.. We taught this guy named Keith who just got out of jail and was incredibly poetic. I was trying not to smile because he just had the coolest things to say. I related to him pretty well and hopefully was able to share some experiences that could benefit him and his life. He is searching for the truth and I hope he realizes that he can find it in our message. Other than that day, my schedules been the same. We have been meeting with Brother Smith and Brandi a lot. We have found a lot of potential investigators that seem really promising so I'm stoked for all of it to come together.

So I guess I'll jump right in to the soul searching stuff because it's been on my mind a lot. I am starting, but not yet fully grasping, the concept of complete sacrifice. Every once in a while I find myself being selfish, only with little things. I need to give all of myself. I need to completely lose myself so that, paradoxically, I can find myself. I noticed that when I start looking at myself and trying to improve myself, I get depressed and overwhelmed. When I forget myself and focus on helping my investigators or members in the ward, I am happy. They are happy. What more could I do? Being out here on a mission I get to feel everything. The pain, the happiness, the love and the disappointment. I am having the full spectrum of the human experience and I've only just started this little journey. This experience could either make or break me. It's up to me... i'm choosing the former. Turns out the latter has to come before I can get there though. I just remembered a quote from C.S. Lewis... I think.

"The cross comes before the crown."

Chills. That's what it's all about. It's all about the sacrifice of our Savior. It's all about us sacrificing our human nature to follow our true destiny. I sometimes get caught up in the little things. I sometimes forget the big picture of this puzzle i'm piecing together and get caught up somewhere in the chaos. I'm getting better though. It's only an internal battle, on the surface I am always doing what I need to be doing. I just want my motives, perspectives and actions all to be more aligned. I'll get there.

Dad:
There is a stop smoking program that was developed by a David M Bresnahan who was a missionary in Ireland in 83 where he developed the program as an Elder. Do you know him? Was Tipton your president?

(The answer to that question is yes, Dave Bresnahan was his companion and Pres. Tipton was Dale's mission president. It's a small world!)

Emails From Trent Sept 4, 2012

Hey I'm a little late emailing you. I'm sorry the library was closed for labor day. Man, I don't really know what to say.. My district and I get along so good!

This week hasn't happened. It was so fast. There is an old man, Brother Smith, (who looks like WOODY!!) so sick, who we are teaching. His wife is a member, kind of, and we are walking with him everyday and reading the scriptures with him. He's praying about baptism and he is loving the Book of Mormon. I love it. He talks forever though so we end up staying longer than we would like but we can't really do much about that.

The girl we're teaching can't stop smoking so she might not be able to hit her baptismal date. We're praying for her everyday. I hope she can find the strength and the motivation to turn her will to God. Her life is so rough. I want her to be able to have the life she deserves, she deserves better.

We are teaching another girl, whose husband doesn't want anything to do with the church. So it's hard because she's way into it.

We contact a lot of other people but none who are potentials for baptism or reactivation. We have a lot of work to do. I love when I get to work. That's the absolute best. At the end of the day I know I did all that I could to serve God. I don't hold anything back.

Today i'm on splits with Elder Wren. He's so tight. We get along so well. We already had a service project and have a lesson for tonight. We'll just tract if we have spare time or something. I'm the senior companion while I'm with him.

Basically everything is looking up. I need to keep on focusing everyday. Every single day I surrender my will to Gods because my natural will is weak. I trust in him with everything I have and he never lets me fall. I'm so grateful for His love and that I can feel that for even a stranger. It's too cool. I miss and pray for you guys always. I loved the pictures and the package so much. It made everything so much better knowing that I am not alone out here. You guys are supporting me no matter what. That's more comforting than you could ever realize.

I'll get your letters soon and write back when I can. Oh, so yesterday, for P-day, the district went to Fort Ebey and we were on this big cliff that overlooked the ocean. So pretty. Anyways, Elder Wren and I like to do stupid things so I jumped off and started sliding down the side of the huge hill and I couldn't stop so I tried to hold on to all of the weeds and my shoulder popped out. So that sucked. But I'm alright now. It was just funny. Then we threw rocks in the ocean and just chilled while I wanted to die because of my shoulder. Good times.

Also, i had a cool experience that changed everything that i want to share. So one day i was terribly home sick. So i read the Richard G Scott talk and got way lost in it. Like in a good way... so into it. Then on the back i wrote down what i miss about home for some reason. Then i wrote the question "what am i sacrificing on that list to be out here?" and there were a couple things. Then I wrote down "can you sacrifice that short list for only two years, knowing that when you come back it will all still be there PLUS MORE, so that you can give the others the same happiness and love that you have?" And then wrote yes. Ha I don't know why i wrote those down but I look at it every day and then I just take it one day at a time. Kind of cool. just thought I'd share that with you.

So I sent some pictures of my MTC comps Elder Robbins, Elder Crandall and then my district at MTC. Then some view shots. Elder Duncan my handsome companion My lunch I have everyday. My Apartment super sweet. That's all i could fit on this email

Thanks Momma. I have to go now. I have a lesson to teach. I love you so much. Have an amazing week.

Photos of Trent

I'm in Paradise

I'm in paradise. I'm on an island called Oak Harbor that has continuous unobstructed views of the ocean. I am the furthest west I can be in this mission. So... pretty cool. My companion is also a district leader and he goes home after he trains me. I can learn a lot from him.

My schedule has been pretty all over the place because of meetings this first week. For the most part I wake up, work out, study hard, and then get to freaking work. The only time I'm not home sick is when i'm working. So that's all I want to do. It's weird though because even when I'm missing you guys, i still won't consider going home. I actually get more pumped to teach people because I still have something called hope. Something that they don't have and something that I can give to them. I also absolutely love sharing this gospel. How can I keep my mouth shut when I have the answer to everyone's questions that they don't even know they have? I love it.

So the first day I got here they gave me a phone and I got in a car and listened to some hip christian music. It was such a drastic change from the MTC. I never thought I'd miss that place but here I am missing it already. Mostly I just miss the people. I had my first lesson the first night as well. I taught a girl named Brandi and asked her to be baptized and she said yes. So... pretty sick. I've been doing a lot of service and I am giving every single ounce of effort I have.

Oh, and we have a two-story condo all to ourselves. We have the nicest pad. 2011 corolla. Not much to complain about on a superficial level. But anyways, the first night we had a planning session Elder Duncan just made the plans and then wrote the goals after. So according to the MTC and my ignorant experience in missionary work i was like, hey how about we set goals first and then make the plans to reach it. He was like, "ok." So we do that now and we kick more butt.

So one time I was mowing an investigators lawn and it took forever and i thought no one could hear me over the mower so i was just praying to God for a couple hours and it felt awesome. But I was wrong about the first part... the people could hear me. That's OK. They're moving anyways so now they have another weird mormon story to tell their friends.

That's all i can really think of right now. I have so much happen to me every day that I don't know how to include everything/anything. The ward is awesome. Penncove ward. The bishop is Gordon B. Hinckley. Just kidding but he's basically him. The ward mission leader is funny and so nice. We have dinner at members houses every single night. I eat super healthy for the first two meals of the day and then they feed me pizza and roast beef for dinner ha. Oh well.

I love you guys too much. I hope all is well with you. Two years seems mighty long not to see you. I look at your pictures everyday (all four of them) so go ahead and send me more pictures of whatever is going on in your life. I don't want to come home a stranger and you be a stranger to me. Bye.


P.S.
I have been tracting only a little bit. We've had pretty good success with that actually. I love it. i'm going to play at fort casey with the youth in the ward. I drove past deception point and it's so beautiful. So you said the cousins are liking my emails you should tell them to write me. I need some support out here.

Week three at the MTC

Another week, another month, another year. I'm not sure which I just experienced. Time is in a completely different reality than it was before. I don't know how to explain it. I've heard people say the days feel like weeks and the weeks feels like days, that's exactly right.

I have a lot of stories to tell you guys so I'll jump right into it. Mom, Dad and Kenna I saw that you wrote me on dearelder but I haven't gotten them yet so when I do i'll write you back in the mail. I don't have enough time to read them online. Lindsay and Joe I got your dearelder and it made my whole day so I'll try and write you guys back today too.

First of all I'm happy so if you're worried about me... don't be. Second of all: I did 1/4 mile of lunges like Dave challenged me and I couldn't walk for a week so thanks for that, Dave.

My companion was sent home last week. It was pretty hard for the first little bit but I'm getting used to it now. Another guy in my district went home as well so it's been kind of a rough week for my district. We're hanging in there though and are still learning a lot. I have the material down pretty well now. I will always have tons of room for improvement but I feel like I have a handle on most everything now. I'm sure that will change once I'm out in the real world.

My new comp and I are getting along really well. One thing I love about him is that he has an amazing voice but he can't sing any song without hearing it first. He has the tune wrong in his head so when he sings Nearer My God to the to the tune of Praise to the Man, he has no idea. It's one of my favorite things I've experienced here. Also, we started going to the bathroom on the second floor because it's a nicer bathroom (not really but it just feels cooler.) So lucky for me there is a couch area just outside the bathroom with a big TV that has a cycle of photographs of places around the world. Mom, Dad, you will like this part. I sat down to watch it while I waited for my comp to come out of the bathroom and the photos went in this order when I first sad down: Dublin, Ireland. Toronto, Canada. Seattle, Washington. I just sat there and was like, "hmm, that feels a little bit coincidental." The next one was New Zealand so maybe my son will be going there on his mission or something. I don't know.

So i'm going to let you guys in on a little secret here in the MTC. Hidden throughout this place are these little treasure that we like to call "narnia holes." Basically the past Elders got bored and started stashing random stuff in random places for us to find. My district was laughing about it for the whole night. We don't have much entertainment here in the MTC so that was a big deal. We'll stash something somewhere before we go too. You know, leave our mark.

My district is getting along really well. After the TRC (training resource center, i think) we all just sit around outside and talk for about an hour and joke around. That's one of my favorite parts of the day. We all connect and it makes me feel like I belong here. There are a lot of funny Elders in my district so we all have a pretty good time. In the TRC there are volunteers who volunteer to be investigators. My companion and I have had some amazing experiences there and we feel pretty good about it. I'm starting to see that I'm not all that important. Without the Holy Ghost, there would be no conversion. I'm just here to invite and help others receive it. Pretty cool job I have for the next two years.

So I've had a paradigm shift. I used to pray away these feelings of longing for you guys. I am starting to see it as a blessing. I feel so much. I think I can empathize and feel so much for my investigators. I want more than anything for them to know that they can be with those they love forever! If I didn't have that knowledge I could not be out here right now. I am so blessed to have that truth and to have you guys as my family. I'm actually grateful for those feelings now. My testimony has never been stronger, i'm sure that was to be expected. Without Christ I would be lost. I am loving every minute that I get to study his gospel and his life. I am starting to read Jesus the Christ and it's absolutely blowing my mind.

Oh last quick story. You guys think I eat a lot. Let me give you guys a bit of perspective. There's this big football player that I talk to a lot and today for breakfast he had 22 hard boiled eggs and a loaf of bread. I was so stoked about it.

I love you guys so much. I love your letters. They get me through the day. Thank you for your support.

Week two of the MTC

I don't have much time. I had to go to the temple earlier and that's why I cut it short. Dad: thanks so much for that email back already it made me cry too ha. I will serve others. 

I just wanted to share a couple things:

 

First in the temple today I was doing just fine until I went into the celestial room. I picked up the scriptures and read 1 Nephi 21: 16. “Behold, I have graven thee upon the ^apalms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” I started crying and couldn't stop. I have never had a scripture hit me like that before. 

  

So basically I eat the same thing every lunch and dinner. A chicken wrap with spinach and then a bowl of lettuce a bowl of carrots and a bowl of celery. For breakfast I have two bowls of shredded wheat and a bowl of fruit a grape fruit and a banana and an apple. It's sweet. And I work out way hard which feels good sometimes too. I've never been this strictly healthy. I wake up at six but I can't fall asleep at night still. I will have to get used to that.

 

I don't really know what to say to you guys so if you have any questions about any aspect of this place just ask and I'll respond in my email to you next week.

 

Oh another experience I had: I was working out for the first time last friday and got a little short tempered with another Elder who asked me a stupid question. Up until that point I felt fine and as soon as I was angry I felt completely alone and more home sick than ever. It's amazing how much the spirit is holding me up. I couldn't be standing without him. I am so weak without the spirit it is crazy! I need this gospel more than anyone right now and it's cool that I get to show people how much help they can receive through living by our teachings.

 

Ok I am way over my time limit here. I just need to get to work! Sometimes I wish you guys weren't the best family in the whole entire world! Because then maybe I wouldn't miss you so much. Oh and Dad, I shaved last night and I already have to shave again! Word up. I'm already becoming a man like you. I hope you are having a great time in Indonesia . Be safe. I pray for all of your safety and comfort every night. I put your names in the temple (and mine) ha because I want us to feel comforted and know that this is the absolute right thing for me to be doing.  

 

I'll talk to you next week. 

Ok I should really go now,

 

I love you guys so much. God be with you till we email each other again.

 

About the first week in the MTC

Well I'll tell you about my experience here so far:

It's been the best of times. It's been the worst of times. I finally understand what that means. I have felt the spirit here so strongly that I cannot ever deny that the Holy Ghost is real and does testify truth. Jesus Christ is my savior and I am nothing without him. The first day that I came here it didn't even hit me that I wouldn't see you guys for so long. I was just going along, playing the fool, not really knowing what lay ahead of me. Now, I see the journey that I am going to take and it isn't going to be easy. I have so much to learn that it's just ridiculous. I'll get there though.

I was called to be the District Leader. I didn't feel ready for that calling at all but I accepted it and I am doing my best to be there for my boys. I am in a companionship with two other Elders. So it's a threesome type deal. One of the elders is a big, video gaming, guy from Layton . He is so wise and I have learned a lot from him. My other companion is a wrestler from American Fork. He has one of the best hearts I have ever known. He is really struggling here and is very open about it with me and I'm grateful for that. I love them both and the companionship is truly inspired. The whole MTC is full, it's the most full it's ever been I guess. We are in a room with six beds and my companions and I are the only ones in our room. Everyone elses is full. I feel blessed for that. My district has nine Elders.

I am doing really well for the most part. I love learning here and I love my teachers. I get along really well with my district and we all love each other. The hardest times for me are at night when I'm not distracted.

So write me if you want and on Prep-days I will try and respond. I love getting those letters, (just like momma told me I would ha). I have so much to tell you guys but I don't have much time. I'm trying to be exactly obedient in the rules here so that I can receive the blessings I need to continue this amazing work.

Alright I have to go now. I love and miss you guys.