On To the Next One: March 24, 2014

My last week in Granite Falls was like unto most of my time here: Wonderful. I saw a lot of things that will stick with me for a while. I’ll get to that in a minute. As you may have inferred from my first sentence, yep, I’m transferring outta this place. Am I sad? Yes. I will miss the investigators a whole lot. I love them dearly. They were my best friends in this area.

One of our investigators is a beautiful soul who would love nothing more than to be free. We knocked on her door a couple weeks ago and she’s wanted to come to church ever since.  This Thursday we were talking with her in her driveway and she told us she will definitely be coming to church. There were a lot of distractions and people yelling at each other across the different trailers but there was somewhat of a still where we were amidst it all. We taught her the restoration and asked her to pray at the end and had some time of silence to think about what she’s feeling and thinking afterwards. We sat there in silence for probably 15 seconds after the prayer, which doesn’t sound too long but… whatever. It felt long. She picked up her head and we looked at her, smiled and asked, “How do you feel?”

She responded, “I feel this euphoric feeling,” And started to cry before she could finish her sentence. I was filled with joy and peace as I saw the hand of God working through his loved daughter. She is getting baptized on April 26^th.

There's someone we tracted into who wants to be baptized. He came to church and we had a couple lessons this week with him. He is very interested in what the “Lord God Almighty has in store for him.” Many great and marvelous things, is the answer to his search. Many great and marvelous things.

This one investigator and his son are some of the most entertaining people I’ve taught. I just love meeting with them. If I lived three life times through I still wouldn’t have the wisdom of the 14 year old son. It’s a real treat just to listen to his insights and questions. I tend to like it.

We are teaching a girl who is still on date for the 12^th of April and is moving right along. I like teaching her because she’s YSA age and I miss being in a singles ward. I’m still used to teaching in that style and haven’t fully adapted to being in a family ward. My next area will be a family ward too. Three transfers left. That’s a tough one to swallow. Wait, I was talking about this investigator. She’s more important than that stuff. So, she seems like she’s grown a lot since we first met her a couple weeks ago. She is praying out loud with us. She’s reading the Book of Mormon and understanding it pretty well. All in all, she’s becoming friends with that Holy Ghost whose influence is enlightening and inspiring. I can’t wait for her to have that friend with her all the time. Holy Ghost is my favorite. That sounded insincere. But… Holy Ghost is sick. (Sick=cool)

The guy I met a couple weeks ago is someone I’ll miss the most. I just love him with all this little heart of mine has to offer. We’re in contact every day and he shares his uplifting and beautiful experiences as he reads the Book of Mormon. It’s the most rewarding thing to be able to see the changes in someone from the time we met him struggling and in despair outside his apartment till now where he’s smiling and has hope in a better day. I testify that this hope and comfort is available to everyone. No one would have given him a second look. It seemed there’s no way he can get out of what he’s gotten into. Well, my friends who cannot see, I know that Christ has suffered beneath, around, and infinitely more than what this man has suffered or sinned. Jesus has paid the debt and price in full. We can’t repay that gift. We will never be able to. All we can do is USE the gift of the atonement. That’s what our investigator is doing. It works. I love this man because of his heart. His heart is sincere and broken. I sometimes get tears when I think about who he is, and what he’s willing to do to follow God. He’s my hero. I wish I had a heart like his.

While walking back to our car one day we saw a big group of bearded men yelling all sorts of profane things. I asked my companion if he wanted to go over there and he said, “I don’t have the confidence for that kind of thing,” with a half-smile on his face. I said, “me neither.” And we walked towards the men with the trucks and beers. They all started laughing and pulled out their cameras and phones to take pictures and flipped us off and everything. We talked to them and invited them to Christ and they said not unless we brought them some beer. So, the moral of the story is: Things don’t always work out the way you’d like them too but you still do what you’ve been asked to do. Fear is not the decider, you are. I looked back on that experience later in the day and wished I would have said other things. I wished I could have said more and preached to them more but I usually have thoughts like that. I just look back on things like that and think, “Dang, I won’t have the opportunity to put myself out there for the rest of my life.” I love the opportunities of the mission. I love the lessons I learn. I love the fear that comes and the fear that goes as you feel the presence of the Holy Ghost. I love the moments of unsureness and anxiety. I don’t love them in the heat of things. I kind of hate those feelings, but I like the lessons from them and the unique insights I gain from the pain. I do things wrong. I see my mistakes. I make plans to be better. I make the same mistakes again. I make plans to do better. I make the same mistakes again and then I see a pattern. I thank God for the mistakes I’ve made, but not just in of and in them. I thank Him for repentance and progression that comes through his Grace. I thank Him for even having the chance to come to His open arms when I am not worthy to even speak His name. I thank Him for the reliance I have on him to stay close. “Prone to wonder, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it.” That song brings tears to my eyes almost every time. I look forward to the day that I can “be like Him” and truly “see Him as He is.”

Anyways,

Video killed the radio star,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

Frankly, My Dear... March 17, 2014

Welcome to my experiences this week. Half-truths and exaggerated experiences will have to suffice this time around. I don’t have much to offer.

We met some wonderful people on the sunny day that happened to be Wednesday. We decided to take a trip on out to the boonies of our area and see what good things we could find there. It turned out to have plenty of intrigue and drugs for everyone involved down over yonder. Right out of the car we walked passed probably seven gates that said something along the lines of, “If you cross this fence you won’t be coming back alive.” That was pretty cool and also highly dramatized so take it for what you want. We had some insightful conversations with many people nonetheless (did you know that was one word?) 

I think the highlight of all of it was while we were on our way back in for dinner we saw a homeless looking man on a bike and gave him a little wave and a smile. As we stepped out of the car he came towards us and said,” Are you fellas good at riddles?” Of course we answered in the affirmative, regardless of our actual inadequate critical thinking skills. So he asked, “What grows when you feed it but dies….”

“FIRE!!!” I yelled  before he finished the sentence.

He smiled and said, “Ok, what is something that rich men need, poor men have…”

“Nothing!!” I interjected again. 

He smiled again and said, “touché, touché, now what are you fellas up to?” We answered but kept talking in his realm of philosophical madness for a couple minutes. Eventually we got it towards the religious aspect of life. By the end of it I invited him to be baptized and he said yes. So that was good. Our favorite part was while he was saying the closing prayer, haha oh man, this is classic, he said something like, “Please help these guys understand as I don’t show up for our appointment this Saturday. They’re good men. Help them understand, Father.” So I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that he told God that he wouldn't be showing up to our next lesson. One minute later he left on his bike saying, “See you Saturday, Fellas!” Good ole man. I just love Granite Falls. This kind of stuff makes me happy. I like seeing and talking with people with all sorts of backgrounds and stories. It gives me a fresh pair of eyes by the end of every day.  

As we were walking around later that night we saw a guy leaning up against his fence while looking deeply at the scarce street lights. We approached him and talked to him while he cried about his cat dying and alcoholism.  We left him with a prayer and came back the next day hoping he’d be a little more sober. We taught him the restoration and invited him to be baptized. He’s way into that kind of thing. Later that night he called and described the alter that he just built. It had a candle and everything. I think he was pretty proud of it. I’m pretty proud of him too. That took some work right there. I love that man. We've met with him three more times and have become buddies. His life is in the dumps. I can’t imagine the hole he’s in right now. I cried when we watched the Mormon message about a guy who overcame his addiction. He just kept crying and saying how much he wanted to be clean. It was very touching and humbling to me. I felt so blessed to have the gospel and the commandments. I used to view them as restrictions, as most (stupid) teenagers do, most of the world too. The deceiving “freedom” of his choices had ultimately led him to complete bondage. He had no agency any more. I just want him to be truly free. I know that freedom comes through obedience and submission through the only perfect example. It’s the great paradox of victory. We win as we surrender and submit. 

The rest is history,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill 

Through All Eternity: March 10, 2014

This week was a wonderful surprise of purpose and insight. I loved almost every minute of it. Almost. I guess to start, I just want the people that I love to know that I love them too. Alright… I got it off my chest. Now onto the things that you can see, touch, hear, smell and hopefully taste.

I don’t go in order, for in my head, there is no such thing. We’ll begin where my mind takes us:

Once upon a time we were out knocking doors in the cold, beautiful rain. We walked passed a certain house with several cars in the front that had bumper stickers saying things like, “atheists are above belief” or “I’m Atheist and I’m OK” and “I don’t need religion, just truth,” etc..

I kind of got this warm fuzzy feeling inside as I read those extremely unbiased,  and obviously understanding  claims and started walking towards the door acting all giddy and what not. The man of the house opened the door suddenly and immediately stepped outside as if he had been expecting us for a while. To start the conversation with a little light humor and showing my skillful observation skills I said something like, “I’m going to guess that you don’t believe in God?”

“Yes, I’m atheist.”

“No kidding, did you grow up atheist?”

“No I grew up kind of Baptist.”

“That seems to happen sometimes. What has being an atheist done for you?”

“What does being Mormon do for you?”

That made me think quite a bit. I had an amazing feeling of gratitude and appreciation for all the things this church has done for me. Not just the church as an organization, necessarily, but the church as a foundational truth that gives peace and understanding to my often confused mind. I explained some of those things but, in the end, as we all could have guess, he left not feeling too persuaded to talk to God or to find objective truth. I don’t like when my initial negative judgments are right. They often affect the outcome, but you already knew that.

One night, after a wonderful miracle (which I’ll tell you about later… if you behave), we were traveling back to our car and saw a man walking towards us from the distance. I loudly said, “Hello!” And immediately the guy threw up his arms and ducked as if I had a gun pointed at him. When he saw us a little more clearly through the dark night and constant rain drops he said, “Hey it’s the Mormons! Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus.” We then got to hear a beautiful (and slightly hammered) man’s story about being baptized 3 times in our church but never confirmed. We walked with him and asked him to tell us his story, to which he responded, “My story! You guys want to heart MY story!? Wow. My story. Ok. Ok. My story… Well it all started when I was 11…” Five minutes later he lost his train of though and went into the liquor store to buy some beer for his six mile journey home. I will miss that man I’ve come to love in five minutes. I hope he’s still alive/that we’ll get to see him again. I do believe in miracles.

Rewind a couple of hours from that experience and you’ll find us sitting in our car praying to find a family that is looking for a change or guidance in their lives. We got out of the car, filled with food and faith, and started to knock the doors around us. The first guy comes to the door with no shirt on and says to go away. Second guy comes to the door without a shirt on and says go away…. hmm…. Third guy opens the door, with a shirt on, and lets us in his home. Kids were running around and a woman in the kitchen had a puzzled face after seeing us in her home. We sat down and talked with them about the things that matter most. They were quite interested. The dad said he’s looking for change and improvement. He wants to get into a church with his family and has known some Mormons in the past and was always curious about what they believed. So, what’s the moral of the story? Well, a couple of things, but one thing for sure: God tends to answers our prayers. It’s a good habit He’s gotten into since the time of Adam. Anyways, we’ve already met with them again and taught the book of Mormon, reviewed the restoration that we taught the first time and talked about baptism. They’re way into that kind of thing so… good news for them, and God.

Record: Paradigm shift #723:

 I’ve had so many changes of perspective and insight on my mission. It just goes to show how much I don’t know and how much I need to learn. I love it. Anyways, Friday, we had mission leader council as usual and afterwards we had a special guest from Franklin Covey who just so happens to be Sister Bonham’s brother. The whole time he was instructing us I was just thinking about Dad. I wanted to be with him and pick his brain more than I ever. And, besides that, I was able to learn a lot of things that I can do to help me personally. He helped us see what our motives and goals are. I learned and felt inspired to write in all different ways to different questions, “serve and help my companions, other missionaries, my family, my friends, investigators, and members… everyone.” That’s what hit me the hardest.  He asked us questions like, “What do you want look back on your mission and know that you did well?” “What would you want your companions to say about you, or investigators, or God.” He had us write down our responses. I want to help them feel understand and loved and that they have learned something or reached more of their potential than they did before they were with me. I always felt that before too but this time I had put it down on paper and it made a difference. It’s so simple and it’s said all the time. I even say it all the time: It’s all about the “other” but man.. This time it just clicked. 

On the way home my companion and I had a good deep, personal conversation about our fears and how we can become better. I had thoughts come to mind of other people I  talked to who expressed something  of a  concern that I didn’t catch onto. A lot of people that I then realized needed to talk and express things to me. I overlooked those opportunities. I feel like my mind has become a lot more open to it now, just a change of the lenses. There are so many people that need to feel understand. People who are hurting that I brush by or judge and just don’t take the time to ask them anything meaningful. I feel like I’ve missed out on so many opportunities to help people  because of my selfishness and preoccupation  with “good” things. I am never happy when I seek to uplift myself or try making myself look good. I’ve tried, unfortunately. I think that’s human nature. I think I fall victim to human nature a little too often. I truly have a desire to “put off the natural man and become a saint through the atonement.” Sounds familiar I’m sure. Kind Benjamin knew what he was talking about. I don’t have much to offer but I’m willing to give what I have. I want to stop being “me” and become who He wants me to be through him. That’s where power comes. That’s where change comes. That’s where happiness comes. I know that because I’ve felt it, and seen it. I’m grateful for the good feelings I feel as I am obedient and serve selflessly. I hope I always keep these treasures of truth throughout my life. Or I can just have my mission last throughout my life. Either one is fine with me. I love this gospel that gives me the ability to change. I love the blessings of repentance and forgiveness that I’ve seen in my investigators lives and my own. I know that power is real. I know that the scriptures give us power and guidance. I know that humility is power.

I may or may not have, but definitely did, experience the best day of my mission on Saturday. I witnessed Susana getting baptized. One of the best parts is that James Dixon (one of our recent converts…. If you don’t remember) was the one who baptized her.  It was the most amazing experience to see. Wow. I have never been to a more spiritual baptism. I mean, all of them are amazing, but this was so strong. I think it’s because Katy, Susana, and James were all there and are all best friends. Those last couple people who I have somewhat helped come into the gospel are all so strong in the church and are amazing support to each other. It just made everything on my mission worth it. That, alone, could have made my mission. I would give two more years to see something as short and beautiful as that again. But then I get to look at all the other beautiful things I've come to learn, see and experience because of my mission. The list is endless. I don’t know how my life would be right now if I would not have come out here. That’s the cliché of all missionaries. I didn't like hearing that before. I still often wonder it though. I don’t know if I would have totally gone off the deep end or something… maybe ha.

I know that I would not have known what I know now. I would not have known that God keeps his promises to us that we find in the scriptures or from His prophets and servants. I wouldn’t have come to know how important the priesthood is and what role it plays in my life and in the church. I wouldn’t have known how beautiful the book of Mormon is and the power that it has. I wouldn’t have known how to fail and how to learn from it. I wouldn’t have known how to miss my loved ones so badly that I can’t think straight. I wouldn’t have known that I could love this much. I wouldn’t have known how to change through Christ. I wouldn’t have known how to rely on my Savior. I wouldn’t have known why obedience and hard work are so important. I wouldn’t have known about other faiths and perspectives. I wouldn’t have known how to get outside of my comfort zone consistently and gratefully. I wouldn’t have known how to wake up at 6am for two years straight. I wouldn’t have known how to be a leader and I wouldn’t have known how to be a true follower. I love my mission with all of my heart. Now that the ticking clock is slowly coming to an end I’m appreciating and loving it more and more. I feel the need to pack in “Every good thing” that I can into this “mission experience” before I go home. I’m sure most RM’s have had this kind of mindset. I want to be perfect. I want to go home perfect. I want to go home being a man. I want to go home being a man of God. I want to look different. I want to act different. I want to be different. I know these goals and lofty and unrealistic hope some of the change will actually last. I’m not here for some temporary lessons and skills that I can use for a little while after this thing is over. I’m learning for the rest of my life. This is a big deal, guys. And I’m ranting on it for way too long. And I don’t care. It’s one of those days. I just want to say everything even if it means nothing.

When James was in the font with Susana they just looked so happy. I was so happy. I had the chills and couldn't stop smiling. I was just filled with love and joy. I can’t wait for my friends here in Granite to get baptized in the next couple of weeks, there’s an amazing spirit that comes and testifies to the heart as a priesthood ordinance is being performed and as a covenant with God is being made. I know that that is “the way:” baptism. I know that God wants us to baptize. I know that He wants us to find and reach out to those who we know and to offer them this gate that allows the atonement into their lives.

Doctrine and Covenants 84:19–21:

19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God.

20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness (the atonement) is manifest.

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness (the atonement) is not manifest unto men in the flesh;

I know that is true. I’ve seen the atonement change lives and the ordinances of the gospel is the only way to fully access it. I think back on some of the people I have taught towards the beginning of my mission and didn’t boldly or quickly invite them to enter into this gate. Maybe I was too scared, or didn’t know what to say, or didn’t know what they would say. I know that all I was really doing was damning them. I was prohibiting their progression and the only way they can have the atonement in their lives fully. I stopped them because I got in the way of the spirit. My role as a missionary is to merely get out of the way of the spirit. He is the teacher, I am the tool that delivers the message that the true teacher can testify of. I have gotten in the way far too often. The spirit will always invite people to Christ. He will always invite them to be baptized.  I am just on one today. I hope you enjoy the little things this week, my dear friends.

Pictures:

My last picture with my angel, Sister P.

Susana and James in white. Beautiful.

Susana, James and Katy. Best trio you could have.

What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life...

       

Elder Trent Jay Merrill 

Tracting Stories and Joseph Smith: March 3, 2014

Tracting stories. Well, one of the tracting stories is about a great man.  I can't even tell you how much I love this guy. We've been meeting with him about three to four times a week since we tracted into him a couple weeks ago. He's so sincere and hilarious. We hug after every lesson and he cries and says how much he loves us. He is so humble. We also started teaching his daughter who is very sincere. They are both on date for baptism on April 12th. Another story is about a very prepared investigator. We tracted into him a while ago and he has come to church and has committed to be baptized as well. I love him.  His fourteen year old son started sitting in on lessons last week and came to church too. He also said he'd be baptized. When I first got here there was only one investigator. Well one day her daughter was there and she sat in and we started talking to her. We've met with her twice now and she's accepted the baptismal date for the 29th of this month. 

There is another girl we tracted into.  When we first knocked on the door another woman answered and said, "Oh, we're not interested." I could tell she was kind of nice though so I just made a joke to lighten the mood and tried to keep her attention there till she would talk more about the gospel. Then someone came around and started talking to the woman at the door and we talked with her and the mood was lightened. Then like five people came out of the house and we all started talking and they asked questions. We shared a scripture about how we can be happy as we are obedient to the commandments (Mosiah 2). We talked about baptism and how that is the ultimate cleansing and power of being free from sin and becoming a true follower of Christ. The spirit was really strong. So one of the girls said, "I want to be baptized." And it was the first investigator's daughter! So we've been stopping by there and she has said she'd be baptized too and hopefully we'll start meeting with her friends in there soon too. So... in short, miracles are happening. It's a wonderful world we're living in. Hope has never been so close to the people here in Granite Falls. We're going to find them all. 

Well, for some reason I've had this "spirit of urgency" if you want to call it that. I am fascinated with every gospel principle and resource. So, during lunch, I'm listening to talks. As I fall asleep I'm listening Lectures on the Prophet Joseph Smith by Truman G. Madsen. While we're driving in the car, we're listening to talks or doctrinal speeches by church scholars. My studies have been so intriguing and enlightening. So as I've been studying particularly the life of Joseph Smith I've felt an overwhelming appreciation and love for him. I am learning more about him as man. He wasn't perfect. He made mistakes all the time. That's ok. So many people are against him here. So I've been making it a point to know everything so I can bear a stronger testimony and have more background. There's a talk by Tad R. Callister that starts off by saying something like, "There's a man in the new testament that has these characteristics, let's see what you would think about him: He cut off the ear of someone in rage. He denied Christ three times. He was told by Christ that he had little faith. If we only saw these aspects of the life of the Apostle Peter, we would have missed out on learning from the greatest people who ever walked the earth. Likewise, people focus on the seeming bad of Joseph Smith and miss all the good and monumental works and mission that he lives." (D&C 135:3) that's one of the scriptures I memorized and it is one of my favorites. So... yep. I don't know. hope that somewhat answers your question.