Bright Side of the Hill

Again I find myself torn between the past and the present. It hurt to leave Penn Cove. Why didn't anyone tell me transfers blow? Ha it's alright. Life is different. Mission life. It's a different world when you come into a new area and have to take lead on everything from day one. I'm a district leader now. This is a really big growing opportunity for me. My District is cool. My first District Meeting went pretty well.

So this area (Duvall), hasn't had a single investigator for over six months. It's alright though we'll turn it around. All I need is your prayers and a little help from the angels around me. I'm coming closer to feeling the definition of stress and inadequacy. I'm also coming closer to the understanding of submission. My white flag has been raised. "God grant me the serenity," isn't a too distant phrase from my heart. It's beautiful how in the lowest times, when I have no one, or nothing to work with, Heavenly Father allows me to feel more love than I have ever felt before. My testimony has never been stronger, my body has never been weaker, and my focus has never been clearer. I am stripped of my home, my friends, my comfort zone, my support and what do I have left? Everything. I have everything. I have the knowledge that I am a child of my dear Heavenly Father. Who hasn't forgotten me in this trial. Who is mindful of my pain and my loneliness. I am never alone. I love my Savior. I feel His love for my struggling companion. I feel His love for this area. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and remember how blessed we are to know that we are loved.

Elder Trent Jay Merrill
P.O. Box 1651
Duvall, WA 98019

The Ink of Memory

I'm slightly distracted right now. You see, I am being transferred. First for everything. It's probably something I will have to get used to because of the whole missionary thing. I actually knew I was going to be transferred since Thursday night so I told everyone in the ward I was leaving. Because I wanted some sympathy good byes. Those make everyone feel good. And horrible.... Kind of bitter sweet is probably how I would say it.

Update:

Our investigator can't be baptized for at least six months. . He wants to keep meeting with us (not me I guess actually because I won't be here) and come to church until his eligibility for baptism is back on track. So that's what's going on there.

As for the plan. The plan is to work with the members. They are the keys to finding and we need some unlocking. So... that's what we started doing a lot more. We met with Bishop and he told us not to tract in this area. If we're not with non-members then be with his members and teach them how to be missionaries. Pretty cool. I'm a little bummed I am leaving when it's all about to come together. All part of the adventure I suppose.

Well I don't know what else there is to report. I don't know where I'm going yet. I'll find out once I get to the mission office tomorrow.I need to start taking deeper breaths. Penn Cove is coming into my rear view mirrors. The only place I've known on a mission. Kind of weird. You know that feeling when you're alone and you feel mysterious and kind of want to draw for some reason? Probably not.. but that's exactly how I feel right now. If potential was an emotion I would be feeling it. But it's not... so I don't know how to describe it.

Letter from the Future

Ah man it was a good week. Just a funny week I guess. I don't know if that much actually happened. Well actually there was some big stuff. For the Hospital thang... it's not exactly what we wanted. But we are on the list to be contacted at the hospital if anyone asks for us. The radio station avenue... still a big possibility. We can interview someone or share inspirational scripture or just rap on the air.. I don't know. We can do anything. So I welcome any of your ideas on what we can do with this harnessed potential. Patrick met with President Wilson and it all went well. He can be baptized now. I'll keep you updated on that. We're working closely with our ward and are receiving a lot of referrals lately for people we can visit. I feel so blessed to know these people. They are everything to me.

The other day we were on our way to visit someone in an old apartment complex and this rocker guy walks by us and says, "Jesus, man!" And we were like,"Yeah!" And he just kept on walking by. Then about two minutes later he finds us knocking on someones door and tells us to follow him. So we did. And he took us into his apartment and starts to shred on the guitar ha. After a couple minutes of that he was like, "Hey how old are you guys?" We told him how old we were and he was like, "Ah no way man you're way older than me.. I'm from the future. Good to meet you guys." Then we talked about Jimi Hendrix and he said we were his best friends. On our way out he told us about his time with Moses back in the day and that we are sent from "The One." So that was probably... one of my favorite experiences. Drugs man. Drugs. Don't do drugs.

Another beauty: We've been working with a family in our ward to help them get to the temple. It has been a really emotional journey for them, especially for the husband to receive the Priesthood. I didn't know how much progress they were making on it lately and yesterday after Sacrament Meeting the husband came up to me and asked if I would ordain him into the office of Elder! I had this electricity flow through my veins when he asked me that. I don't know. I love the blessings that come from following this gospel. He was so happy. Just glowing. So I ordained him with my shaky hands under the Stake President and Bishop's steady grip... I felt inadequate. That's not unusual. But The Spirit helped me out like always. Gave me words. Gave me strength. If there's one thing I would take away from this mission (which I couldn't because there's too much to take away) it would be to always have the spirit with me. I just need it. I'm pretty messed up with out it. It's a beautiful gift.

The Good, The Bad, and The Neatly Combed Hair

We had Zone Conference this week and President Wilson focused almost exclusively on "finding." He told us to start thinking differently about the concept. When Elder Gay came and spoke to our mission he told us the same thing. We need to be little more creative and a little more out of the box. Knocking doors isn't put aside entirely... but we need to find more people. We need to reach out to everyone in our area. That's what we've been focusing on this week.

I've heard it been said the originality is just knowing how to hide your sources. Well I think that's pretty true...sometimes. At least it is with what's been going on with us. We've had some hard times. Almost every single one of our investigators has dropped. One moved away. Another ran away. One all of the sudden isn't interested at all and won't let us come over. We're back to ground zero here. It's not the worst place to be... but it's going to take a lot more work to get things going again. I told you about our idea to work as clergy in the hospital.. we have an appointment with the leader of the ministerial staff this week and hopefully will be able to get that going. We're also trying to put an ad in the newspaper for a scripture study that we would hold in the community. Where we can compare and contrast the Holy Bible with the Book of Mormon and just have discussions with believers of any faith. (I would love any ideas from you guys on how we can do it better or what we should do.) We are starting to work with a local radio station to have some time to advertise our services and our religion. We can play a song too so... I feel bad for everyone who will have to listen to me sing... maybe another miracle will come our way and I will sound a little bit like Brandon Flowers. A man can dream.

I also was very nervous this week. Especially when we had our lesson with a previous investigator. I was worried that I'd blow it. We were just casually talking at the beginning and I noticed that my heart was pounding a little too hard. My hands were a little bit sweaty. My confidence was a little bit... absent. I silently prayed for help. I prayed for the spirit and I surrendered my feelings of inadequacy to my Father in Heaven. He took it. He took everything that was weighing me down and gave me the words to speak. The lesson took everything from me. I felt exhausted afterwards because.... well I don't really know why. I just put everything into it. I love moments like that. I really love seeing how "man" is worthless.... without God. Especially me. I would have ruined their potential to receive the perfect message if I took it on myself. I hope they felt what I felt in that lesson. I think they did... and that makes me feel it even more.

I don't know why I tell you my challenges in these letters... I guess it is somewhat cathartic for me. I always love the advice you give back to me too. This week it was doubt. Doubt in myself. I really had the worst thoughts about myself. They keep coming full speed and at the worst times. I don't want to let these paralyze me like they have before. I need to put my Faith in God more than ever right now. I can't trust in myself for one minute or I'll doubt every single decision I make. I want to take a step back again and get outside of my head. I also want to stop asking the question, "Is this against the rules?" to dictate my choices. I want to ask something more like, "Would this please my Savior?" Maybe something like that would help. I just need to remember it more.

You are dearly loved,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill