Michael Scott: May 12, 2014

Here I go, ‘round and around' until I’m back in the spot I was almost a year ago. The circular motions of repeating and redoing are before my face, on my right hand and on my left.  “You’re here till the end,” President says with a half-smile, half painful looking face.  It’s good to be back to the grind, to the pressure, to the sleep depriving contraption we've all come to call “The Office.” I am strongly exaggerating with that description, but they were the first words that came to mind. I think it’s time for me to shift my paradigms again. I look forward to the opportunities of failure and growth these last couple months. I hope it never ends- I’m learning that I don’t always get what I want unfortunately. 

It’s interesting how in moments of change, the adversary exploits the vulnerability and I see in plain view all of my flaws and inadequacies. It’s almost refreshing, in a “being compelled to be humble” kind of way. It’s also kind of debilitating, in a more obvious way. I am grateful for my friend and Savior who is carrying me and loving me through it all. I feel at peace right now. I feel peace a lot. I know that I am understood and my footsteps are guided by He who has walked the road before me. I am also grateful to my wonderful family who is so unconditional in their love and encouragement. Love in the home, regardless of the distance that separates the people, is a powerful and essential tool of development, nurturing and progression. I know that families are divinely organized and appointed for the benefit of all mankind. My family means everything to me. I wish everyone in the world (more particularly in Everett, WA, for the time being) could feel the kind of comfort, appreciation and love that comes from a gospel centered home. It’s almost a tangible difference in the homes where the priesthood is strong, present and tied together with the bonds of the atonement and blessings from our Father in Heaven, than any other “whatever centered” houses. I have felt the difference. I know that God is a “family man” if you want to put it lightly, which I will, for the sake of simplicity and to get that point across. Mom and Dad, you are the ultimate example of Christ-like love and selfless service to our family. We all feel blessed, beyond belief and through the eternities, to be part of your wonderful family. Lindsay, Joe, McKenna: I have learned what true relationships, and love feels like because of the roles you play in my life. I know that I am never alone or without support when I have you guys around. For lack of a better phrase I know that you, “have my back,” in every situation and time. In short, I wish I could express my thanks and love for you all in a better, more meaningful, way than the typical clichés that too quickly flow from these ragged, nailed fingers of mine. I am forever in your debt.

This is the time of all times. The time for love, time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted (TIME TO HARVEST) A time to kill (evil), and a time to heal (broken hearts); a time to break down (muscles), and a time to build up (by eating protein); A time to weep (mission is ending), and a time to laugh (at myself) a time to mourn (with those that mourn, see Mosiah 18), and a time to dance (Mom, you got this one); A time to cast away stones(I love throwing rocks), and a time to gather stones together (Kenna could do that for me after I throw them); a time to embrace (my mission), and a time to refrain from embracing (beautiful women); A time to get (buff), and a time to lose (weight); a time to keep (working hard), and a time to cast away (chains of complacency and fears); A time to rend (what does rend mean again), and a time to sew (never learned how to do that); a time to keep silence(…….), and a time to speak (to the world about the restoration); A time to love (everyone), and a time to hate (Satan); a time of war (against your temptations), and a time of peace (Woodstock). (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8)

I never thought Ecclesiastes could say it so well. All I can do is slap an “Amen” sticker on that and call it quits. That was fun. You should try doing some mad libs with scriptures like that. Just throw in whatever applies to you where I did the parentheses and you’ll have yourself a somewhat light minded/more personal scripture to you. 

This next week I’ll be up Northward on exchanges with a couple zone leaders and doing zone conferences around the mission. I’m quite excited. More giddy, than anything else. I’m constantly giggling and slapping my companion’s knee in a fit of excitement. It’s getting out of control.

Through time and eternity,

Elder Trent Jay Merrill  

Rise and Fall: May 5, 2014

I am grateful to be alive today. It's one of those days where I woke up wondering, "What in the world is going to happen to me for the rest of my mission." I feel blessed to be at peace with whatever does end up happening. I believe it's a gift from my Father in Heaven that he allows me to feel calm and sure with the waves of uncertainty and curiosity surrounding me. I love the gospel that allows that gift to be in my life. I never felt that before in my earlier years. There is power in the true principles of relying on Christ and allowing the enabling power of the atonement to take place in my heart. It's almost like the proverbial energy drink that allows me to do things beyond my normal ability. That's how my Papa described it to me and I took note. I think Paul said it best, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." 

I have had a fascination with people this week. I always do and have had that intrigue but this week was special. I found my self smiling when I saw anyone, regardless of their looks or manners. I just wanted to see people and see how they acted. The common thought that came to my mind was, "What is your story?" I know that every has unique experiences and beliefs that affect their every decision. I find it interesting to see who will sit in the back of the bus or who will sit by the bus driver and strike up a conversation. I want to know how to see from their lenses. I love people with a lot more sincerity when I think about them that way. I can somewhat trip myself out when I think about it long enough at a stop light. I see someone next to me with long hair and a beard who, stereotypically, wouldn't want to talk to me. Yet, only maybe 50 years ago we were in the same place (with God). It's an awakening to me to see that they are my brothers and sisters. We truly are connected and I just need to understand them enough to help them awaken the truths they've already learned. 

Ken is the one on the left. Dan is the one right by him. I love them dearly

I love you. 

Cheers

Elder Trent Jay Merrill 

Rhythm and Blues: April 28, 2014

I was able to experience the full force of monotony and mediocrity this week. There are so many lessons to be learned from the mundane.  If only I could shake the chains of complacency and apathy for a second then maybe I could relay the insights that shaped my perspective again. In essence, I sang the blues while the rain soaked my shoes. I suppose there’s a little more…

It was one of those weeks where everyone in Everett decided to get together in a secret meeting and unanimously decided that they weren’t going to talk to the Mormon missionaries or open their doors. But! The important note to remember is that if they did open the door, they can’t show any interest. They should actually act like they hate us, if at all possible. I have to give them some credit. They definitely did stick to the plan if such a conspiracy does exist, which it does. I know it. Though amongst the struggle and the disappointment I found myself talking to my Father in Heaven throughout the entire day and I’m thankful for that. I think sometimes it’s easier to be in the peaks and the valleys of life rather than being stuck somewhere in the middle. At least you know there’s somewhere to go when you’re high or low. I’ve definitely had worse weeks. I’ve definitely had better. I think it’s times like these that show me who I really am. I can either push through and my character will be shaped or lie down in the proverbial bed of causality and disobedience. I think life will be full of the mundane, and that’s ok. I was able to “find joy in the little things,” like I too often say.

I even enjoyed the lower points of the week more than the rest because at least it was something that shook my reality for a little bit. Yesterday was a nice, beautiful morning and all was looking up. After church we rode our bikes around while Mother Nature decided to dump buckets of hail relentlessly on the Lord’s anointed. No one else seemed to be outside. So I feel like it was quite deliberate. Anyways, we went down this big hill with no vision or feeling in my body from the cold, harsh exposure to the elements and I just couldn’t stop smiling. I thanked Heavenly Father for the chance to be on a mission and to be able to have experiences like that. Even the bad days are making me miss what I will miss in the near future. I don’t know what I’d do or be without my mission. It means everything to me. Sorry, tangent, back to the story: We stopped at the end of the street and locked up our bikes and hit the streets with our tools of the harvest in our pockets to keep it from the wetness. We hit all the doors that seemed to know about the secret meeting I was talking about earlier and then a sudden gift from on high happened. I saw a fire burning by some rundown apartments and a group of people listening to music and dancing. “Finally, some people I can talk to,” I thought to myself hesitantly, not knowing if they were also part of the conspiracy. We approached them and joked about the weather, their beards and it went on to a more substantial conversation. Those lovely self proclaimed “Pagan Hippies” had some wonderful insight to the universe, life and love. I learned a lot. I’m not sure how much of it I believe but there were some nuggets of truth hidden throughout their mirage of reality. We talked to them about what’s important to us and why we feel strongly about it. I tried to put it into words that were more on their level: “Reality, universe, love, marijuana (just kidding… but really), webbing of parallel realities, sphere of rainbows and prophecies, Hebrew, all backed up, proof, logic,” you know, all the things that sound fascinating but don’t have much meaning behind them. I truly enjoyed it. I thought it was a little tender mercy that was handed to me on a silver platter, perhaps a platter made of cannabis, if such a thing exists in this “sphere of existence.”

Our investigators are solid in the moment and fleeting in our absence. We need some prayers and fasting for these friends of ours. If all goes well, we will have 8 baptisms on May 17^th. I’ll let you know how that all goes down. I really need to start taking more pictures, don’t I Mom? I’m sorry. Negligence is my arch enemy right now. It’s ever present in my mind with all things photography.

I had the thrill of sitting in the E.R. while my companion had tests run all over him. Once we finished the conversation with our hippie friends we got back on our bikes and rode up a hill of enormous size. It wasn’t that big, but, anyways, my comp pulls over and starts clenching his jaw with his hands and gasping for air. I was like, “uhhh,” what the heck should I be doing right now?" He started looking better and we rode our bikes again. So after a while I rode along side of him and looked at him and could tell he was in a lot of pain. We pulled over and made the necessary calls and then got told to go to the hospital. So fast forward through the excruciating long wait for my friend, we got in to see the doctor. The diagnosis: TMJ Arthralgia. All I know is that my poor companion has had a rough past couple of weeks. I feel bad. He’s a good man.

All in all, the sun keeps setting and the work keeps moving.

Elder Trent Jay Merrill

The First Shall Be Last: April 21, 2014

I have been praying a lot, thinking a lot, wondering a lot. I’ve decided that I'm grateful to have people in my life that I don’t get along with automatically. As weird as it sounds, I look forward to having different kinds of people around me because I know I will have a lot that I will be with my whole life. I am grateful because I have to rely on God in order to go on. I can’t remain neutral. I have felt love for people who I struggled with, and I know that it didn’t come from me. It’s a love that I can never find on my own. It’s an interesting concept but I’ve seen that when I get closer to God I get closer to the people who I wouldn't naturally get along with, because I see them differently. I’m also grateful for the people who are not difficult to get along with. They’re easier to be grateful for. It’s a lot easier and lovelier, though it allows room for me to not rely on God as desperately for the survival of our relationship. It makes me think of Ether 12:27. The weakness of having bad feelings towards someone can turn into a wonderful strength through Christ. I’ve seen this scripture fulfilled in a lot of different ways on my mission. I have never felt a stronger connection to my Father in Heaven than I do at this time in my life. I feel it deeply and I feel it quietly. I know that the Holy Ghost is powerful. I know that it is real.

We’ve had the chance to be teaching a wonderful family.  The father, was baptized when he was eight but has been on the streets most of his life. While he was in prison he came to know the bible extremely well and has a beautiful heart. The mother, has never really felt prayers answered in her life. The son, who is seventeen, is very sincere and looking for “something” but just doesn’t quite know what to find yet. We have taught them a couple times and they’ve come to church a couple times. We decided to just focus on the Book of Mormon and to get them motivated to read it on their own. We started with a Mormon Message clip about the Book of Mormon and I felt this comfort and warmth that made me smile. I asked them if they felt it too afterwards and they said yes. We read the first chapter of 1^st Nephi and the spirit was quite present as we asked questions and talked about it. We were about to close and the mom saw another video on the screen about Christ and asked if we could watch it. Of course, we did, and during the short clip I had a distinct and powerful prompting that we needed to invite them to be baptized on May 17^th.  The spirit was sure.  After the video, I knew we needed the spirit to close so right as the clip ended I somewhat abruptly asked the son to say the closing prayer. He agreed and had a beautiful communication with his father in heaven and then we invited them to be baptized on May 17^th and they accepted. It was a powerful experience that taught me the necessity of obedience and diligence to qualify for the small whisperings of the spirit. I know that because of our exact obedience and hard work we are able to qualify for the spirit to work in us to be effective tools in the Lord’s hands. The spirit makes everything beautiful, especially the little things.

I know I always talk about “my mission.” I just keep having these reminiscent and grateful thoughts for this experience that I want to share. I know that I learned a lot on my mission by the time I was six months out, just all sorts of good stuff. Then I learned even more when I hit a year. Now, being out around 20 months, I think about how much I’ve changed and learned because of this experience. I know that by the end I’ll have learned things that I didn’t know and understand now. Knowledge and experience is added onto me line upon line. Interesting how the scriptures always end up being fulfilled throughout my life. Maybe I’m just starting to recognize them more. The mission has been a mini life that has given me an eternal perspective I’ve never seen or known before. My eyes have been opened to the reality of things. I feel safe. I feel sure and I feel peace. I know moments like this won’t last forever so I’ll try not to blink while they do.  

Remember how I used to go to Fort Casey and Fort Ebey when I was on Whidbey Island like 18 months ago? Oh, those were the days. Well, last preparation day I went back to those blessed grounds. This time it was with my new district. We walked around with the wind blowing our hair and took all sorts of pictures and I felt very nostalgic. 

Humility is Power

Elder Trent Jay Merrill