We had Zone Conference this week and President Wilson focused almost exclusively on "finding." He told us to start thinking differently about the concept. When Elder Gay came and spoke to our mission he told us the same thing. We need to be little more creative and a little more out of the box. Knocking doors isn't put aside entirely... but we need to find more people. We need to reach out to everyone in our area. That's what we've been focusing on this week.
I've heard it been said the originality is just knowing how to hide your sources. Well I think that's pretty true...sometimes. At least it is with what's been going on with us. We've had some hard times. Almost every single one of our investigators has dropped. One moved away. Another ran away. One all of the sudden isn't interested at all and won't let us come over. We're back to ground zero here. It's not the worst place to be... but it's going to take a lot more work to get things going again. I told you about our idea to work as clergy in the hospital.. we have an appointment with the leader of the ministerial staff this week and hopefully will be able to get that going. We're also trying to put an ad in the newspaper for a scripture study that we would hold in the community. Where we can compare and contrast the Holy Bible with the Book of Mormon and just have discussions with believers of any faith. (I would love any ideas from you guys on how we can do it better or what we should do.) We are starting to work with a local radio station to have some time to advertise our services and our religion. We can play a song too so... I feel bad for everyone who will have to listen to me sing... maybe another miracle will come our way and I will sound a little bit like Brandon Flowers. A man can dream.
I also was very nervous this week. Especially when we had our lesson with a previous investigator. I was worried that I'd blow it. We were just casually talking at the beginning and I noticed that my heart was pounding a little too hard. My hands were a little bit sweaty. My confidence was a little bit... absent. I silently prayed for help. I prayed for the spirit and I surrendered my feelings of inadequacy to my Father in Heaven. He took it. He took everything that was weighing me down and gave me the words to speak. The lesson took everything from me. I felt exhausted afterwards because.... well I don't really know why. I just put everything into it. I love moments like that. I really love seeing how "man" is worthless.... without God. Especially me. I would have ruined their potential to receive the perfect message if I took it on myself. I hope they felt what I felt in that lesson. I think they did... and that makes me feel it even more.
I don't know why I tell you my challenges in these letters... I guess it is somewhat cathartic for me. I always love the advice you give back to me too. This week it was doubt. Doubt in myself. I really had the worst thoughts about myself. They keep coming full speed and at the worst times. I don't want to let these paralyze me like they have before. I need to put my Faith in God more than ever right now. I can't trust in myself for one minute or I'll doubt every single decision I make. I want to take a step back again and get outside of my head. I also want to stop asking the question, "Is this against the rules?" to dictate my choices. I want to ask something more like, "Would this please my Savior?" Maybe something like that would help. I just need to remember it more.
You are dearly loved,
Elder Trent Jay Merrill
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