I think my heart is expanding... again. I remember when I first came out here I thought it was too full and that I wasn't supposed to be able to feel that much at once. I loved the pain, the heartbreak and the happiness that came with that vulnerability. Once I got used to the routine and the rejection it started to mend and become used to the new world that's called a mission. I started to feel less and do more. I got better at teaching and finding but started losing some sincerity. Repetition creates remembrance and stability but it can kill progression and curiosity if you're not careful. I wasn't being careful. It sometimes bothers me that I'm fitting perfectly into the stereotypical "good missionary." Not that it's a bad thing. I want to be the best missionary... I just want to be able to be human. It's not missionary talking to non-missionary on the street.... interested in our message=success. not interested=walk away. No. It's human being talking to another human being. Brother to brother. Brother to sister. I want to take that step back again and look at it for what it is. I'm here to represent the epitome of all love, my savior... and I need to get back to the roots that I started from. I've been praying hard for the perspective to realign. It's a process but it's worth the struggle. I hope to come back to the heart and walk away from traditional "good missionary" norms. There's my rant for the week... Hope you had a nice nap.
Yes I did love Saturday night. We found a referral for the Spanish Elders in our zone so we had a little mini exchange with them that night. We took them out to a Chinese restaurant before the lesson and just laughed for about an hour. Good stuff. I went with Elder Perkinson into the secret Hispanic community. Not really hidden. Just... I don't know. Anyways so the last house we went to a guy opened the door and waved us in but wouldn't talk or look at us ha. So after about twenty minutes of sitting there a lady came out of the bathroom and started speaking Spanish with Elder Perkinson. I just smiled and they laughed and looked at me a couple times because they were probably making fun of me. I liked it. Elder Perkinson asked something and then went to the bathroom and gave me a thumbs up and laughed as he walked away. So I just sat there with this nice little Hispanic lady and she was trying to talk to me and I just said, "si" a thousand times because I didn't know what she was saying. Once Elder Perkinson walked back out I had two bananas in my hand and some Mexican candy on my lap. I don't even know how it happened... I should probably learn some Spanish.
Well those people we contacted on first street last week were... miracles. A guy we met hesitantly gave us his address and said that we could drop by as he walked away with a pizza... we weren't too confident in his interest but we stopped by this week and he was so happy to see us. We taught him a little bit but we had to get to another lesson and he was like, "Well can you come back tonight!?" We couldn't... but we went by the next day and taught him the restoration and the spirit was there and the words were flowing and the angels were singing... probably.. they were probably singing. Anyways, I'm pretty excited about that. We're still teaching two great ladies and the fifteen investigators we were working with are having weird things happen to them so we'll see how that all works out. We're teaching A LOT of less active families and some are coming back to church. I am so happy for them. You can see the peace they're finding again.
Well that's all for now folks,
Elder Trent Jay Merrill
No comments:
Post a Comment